Silver Lining

Heart break is one of the worst kinds of pain one has to face in life. It can not only be because of breaking up with a loved one...but it can be because of loosing your trust in someone you considered as your best friends, death of someone you love, watching your life fall apart one bye one and knowing that you can do nothing about it, etc. Whatever the cause may be, it is painful physically and mentally. Whoever said that your heart was breaking into a million pieces when you are in a heart break was right!!!

What does one do when in such a condition?? Different people have different ways to overcome a heart break. I normally cry it out filmy style. Then I listen to mellow music or watch my favorite series 'How I met your mother" on my laptop. Then i think of this one saying that my grandmother told me..."Everything happen, happens for a reason". And its true. God has greater plans for us, plans that we can't even imagine. You might be sad right now but those tears will soon dry away and pave way for happiness. Every cloud has a silver lining. You just have to be optimistic about the sun coming out from the clouds. That silver lining of hope is what drives me through.

So be optimistic!!!

From exam to driving drama!!!!

My 3rd semester is over and I am back home sweet home :). I donno how the hell i managed to come back home yesterday. It was my last exam yesterday. So as always during the exam times...I am stressed out and I don't sleep all to well. After the exam the events were all a blur. My stomach was grumbling as I hadn't eaten anything and since it was our last time together, all my classmates and I decided to have lunch together. By the time everyone gathered together it was already 3 and i had a train to catch at 5.25!!!! We all said our teary goodbye and I ran (not practically...but I took an auto...I know...no need to give me a "Oh she didn't take an auto all the way till the railway station" look..coz I DID!!!!!) for my train. After I reached the station I was exhausted from the lack of sleep and hypoglycemia(yea I know I just ate lunch but still I was damn hungry)!!!! The train was half an hour late and I had to stand there the whole while!!!! After I got into the train I slept for a good half an hour but my sleep was disturbed when a guy came and sat next to me and took of his shoes!!! GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it STUNK sooooo BADLY!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God I got the window seat...I was practically gasping for air. And after 3 painful hours I reached my hometown only to see it was raining so badly and I didnt have an umbrella. Even my caretaker who came to pick me up forgot to take an umbrella!!! Jeeessss could my day get any worse. So at 10 in the night I was drenched in the rain waiting for an auto driver to show some mercy and get me home!!!!!!!! after what seemed like 10 mins an auto driver stopped. I was freezing and today when I woke up....ACHOOOO!!!!! I got cold :(

Well even if I was having a cold I decided I would go out and shop for groceries. And I thought since i had a license and our car was rusting away in the garage I would drive there; When I presented this idea to my grandma..she was like oh well take kiran (my cousin) with you...and ask amma...and I called amma up. This is how the conversation went:-

Me - yea amma, I am going out grocery shopping and I am taking the care with me.

Amma (laughing) - yea right!!!

Me - No I am serious. Why cant i take the car out. I have got a license for god sake!!!

Amma - Ammama won't allow ( with confidence)

Me - Haha!!! Ammama said I can go!!!! And I will take kiran with me

Amma - (surprised) Oh......Oh.....Oh...........Well then i guess u better be careful!!!!

And that was that. I was taking the car out. I must give it to kiran for being the dare devil to come a ride with me. When i sat down in the car..i kinda forgot what i was supposed to do. I called kiran up and asked him. He was also out of touch with driving. We both started discussing all the essential point and in 2 minutes I was up and ready to go...or so i thought!!! It took me like 5 failed attempt to take a reverse and get the car out into the road...by which point all the angry drivers were honking their horns furiously at me. In my defense their honking made me nervous and that is what lead me to my failed attempt. After the first 10 mins...i FINALLY managed to get the car out on to the road. and from there it was a smooth drive...or so i thought!!!! I was sooo damn scared and kiran kept saying if ever you hit a car...make sure you hit it towards your side...i still wanna live!!! Oh kiri!!!! i kept driving in the second gear and because of my speed it took me like 3 traffic signals to pass a crossing (in my defense the signal time was only 15 seconds....how the hell do you expect to me cross in 15 seconds!!). after that kiran asked me to shift to 3rd gear...i told him noo it is hard to shift back to 2nd gear and i will get all confused!! so he told me stamp on the clutch and he changed the gear for me like twice lol!!! Thank god my fellow drivers had patience with me!! But I still managed to drive to different locations and successfully park and then come back alive in one piece. When i returned my grandma was relieved!! lol...it was funny. Phew now that is over... will i drive again??? I doubt it!!!

Irony, Irony...

I find that I can easily express the way I feel through writing. I put my thoughts together and just write it down and a sense of relief washes over me. But the same thought if I try to put in word, before I write it down, comes all wrong and sounds odd to me itself. Now the irony is that I am not able to write anything down as I tell myself that I have no time. I usually keep a journal for myself (not like your everyday what I did journal, but the occasional, random thoughts journal!!!). But now my pages in my journal are over and I dont have the time to go buy one (or so I tell myself!!! I cant believe I am too lazy to go down over to the store and buy one...its just a 5 mins walk!!). And so whenever I want to express myself I am stuck because I cannot write it down!!!!!! Now I dont wanna write it down in some book or pages for the fear thta someone might read it ( even though it is not an everyday journal its too special for me).

And when I sit down to write a blog, half way through I get stuck and I tend to save all of them as drafts. It is such an irony that the one thing that gives me solace and helps me express myself, my writing, am not able to commit myslef to it as much as I would like to. Hmmmm.

Now I am goin INSANE!!!!!!!!!!! Argghhhhhhhh!!!

In your shoes

Its sad that sometimes we are not able to see that a person is hurting because all the time all that person does is to make it hard for us to like them. Sometimes the things they do just make us irritate and think to ourselves that they are being selfish. But we fail to see what might cause them to be this way. And we just think that they were born to be like this...born to make our lives miserable!
I experienced such a situation recently. I never liked that particular person too much to be good friends with him/her. He/she never seemed approachable. But only later did i come to know what was taunting him/her life. I started to see things their way. I always try to put myself in their shoe and try to feel how they are feeling. It gives me a clearer perspective on what that person is going through.
Now i feel sympathy for that person. Every action that he/she is showing is a result of his/her emotional stress, their need for a company, to not be left alone by everyone. Even though I might not understand how they feel completely, I can say I understand. I'll try and be more understanding. This I promise to myself.

Sad sad puppy :(

Well well well...look who is back...its ME!!!! Hehehe. Well not for long though. I came home day before yesterday and am leaving tonight..back to CUSAT. Now let me tell you about CUSAT!!!!

Everyone things its such a great place to get an education for master. And yea they are right. But they forget one thing..that it cuts you off from the rest of the world. Atleast for me it did. First day when i got into CUSAt...i was very happy. I couldnt believe that finally i would be studying in a prestigious institute. Little did i know the monster lurking in its corridors...grabbing hold of all you freedom and fun.

I am studying for biotechnology over there. Frankly...its a subject that i like. But unfortunately you dont have a single job opportunity with doing a PhD in a specific field. Its a common misconception. Just because the word 'biotechnology' sounds fancy and new doesnt mean that u will get a job right way in this field ( and i am talking to those career oriented people...like me..not the research oriented ones...who actually have a great chance to do well in this field). So i was a little upset because people who really knew about this course had warned me against it. And i didnt heed their warning and now i regret it. The teachers ( who are a little too much to handle...maybe because they all have Phd's and have gone crazy due to intensive research) arent even supportive of you. They just bluntly layed down the fact that the course we are studying is just useless!!! ERRRR...i know its true...but truth hurts ok!!!!!

And people in my class ( all girls inspite of our course being mixed) are too intellectual. Like i said...they are all research oriented. I am the least intellectual of them all. My IQ is as good as a hamsters!! They are all such book worms and its kinda scary for me. I naturally dont fit in. There is not a single soul there whom i can relate to and have fun with. But yea...all of them are friendly...but we all live in different levels...i donno if u understood or not. I am too homesick there. My schedule is too hectic. I am there in the department atleast 10 hours a day. I am not cut out for such a kind of work. But some how i must manage it. There is a famous qoute that say "I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it ". I guess that is what i am going to do.

I imagine myself...2 years from now...I have lost all my senses and i live in an alternate reality..more like a shizhophrenic. The scanty hair in my head even more scantier due to the stress...dark circles below my eyes. My face looking gaunt and tired. I have lost all the youthfulness in me.Somehow I look much older than my age. I no longer know how to have fun. I find my self lost in thoughts...... Yea yea i know i exaggerated...but i can help myself imagining like that. Who knows...maybe eevrything will turn out for the good...or maybe not. Hmm but going back tonight...i cant imagine about that...oh nooooo :((((((((

Updates!!!!!

Picture:- well that is not my house...but whose ever it is...its beautiful...i just posted this pic to show you the combination colour i was talking about. Well now i am hoping it will all turn out like this one over here in the end!!! Cheers!!!!!



I just thought I would update you( the ghost who is reading it...coz no one does!!!!!) on what I am upto these day. Last week i wrote my Cusat entrance( its for joining the masters program). I swore that i wouldnt study anything for it since i knew i wouldnt get it anyway. So when i was sitting with the question paper in my hand...i was cursing myself for not even looking at the text book. All were basic question and i could have gotten in...had i known they were gonna be this simple...oh damn u Girl! And tomorrow am going to write another test...and again i havent studied anything so that i can curse myself when i am in the exam hall(sigh).

My driving has improved quiet a lot. Yesterday i took out our car for a short...very short ride. And i am impressed that i didnt hit any rear view mirrors this time (yes...it has happened before!!). But i do get nervous when i see any buses or lorry or as a matter of fact dogs even! I cant help it.

I have been trying to convince dad to get me a dog but in vain hmnmm. Well i am not gonna give up just yet. I want a dog and i want it now!!!!!!!!! heheh

I saw the colourof my room. Its like this modern theme...you give one wall...the highlighting wall a dark colour and the rest of the three wall you give a lighter colour. Well my highlighting wall looks as if someone just pour a bucket of blood onto it....yep thats right..its the blood red....and apparently its called rouge something something !! and the other walls are a lighter shade of brown...i think. Lol I dont remember quiet well cause i was in the shock of seeing the colour red and how it turned out. Well i was the one who selected it...it was a bold choice...and i stick by it!!!!(since i have no other option!). Lol but seriously once it is done am sure it will look good.


Well apart from all this i am just sitting at home killing flies! hoping all you ghosts are having a better time than i am. Have a happy weekend. TC

My Chandragiri :)

Picture-This was a Buddhist monastry near our school. I dont ahve any scanner else I would have uploaded a few pictures from our childhood. But this is as closest that reminded me of Chadragiri as I could find from the net.



Today while sitting in the driving school waiting for my turn in the scooty, I drifted off to the time when my parents, brother and I were in Orissa. I thought about all the fun days we had there. We were young, careless, irresponsible, brimming with excitement and just so full of life. So I decided that I should write a blog about my time in Orissa.



I was about 6 or 7 when my father got transferred to a rural village, Chandragiri, in Orissa. You know a child's mind is full of great imaginations and creativity. A child that I was, I thought Orissa meant a huge vegetable stand in the middle of a neatly tarred road. I dont know how i got that vision but I still remember it clearly. I can say Orissa was nothing like that. It was a big change for our family since it was going to be our first time in North India.



I dont remember much of how we got there. I just know that it was our first flight trip and 5 hours later we were in a place called Bhubaneshwar. from there we caught a traing to Berhampur. I was really disgusted with that place. I hated it already. It was raining and the roads were so muddy. There were cows everywhere. the image of the muddy road and cow dung everywhere was not a good first impression. But Berhampur wasnt our destination.



A 4 hours drive from there, along the winding roads of Taptapani and between the mountain ranges, we reached the small village called Chandragiri. Our house in Chandragiri was a small house adjoining another house. In the next house lived the Mahji uncle, his wife and Asha and Anu. I used to ask Mahji uncle wife for dried mango pickles always. She was a woonderful person. After them, Kuni, Swini and Bapu came and lived there. Behind our house there was a beautiful view of the hills surrounding us. Chadragiri was a hill station.



My dad worked in a bank there. My father, being the manager of the only bank in that village made our family kind of a celebrity. As far as i remember, I dont thing we ever had any trouble in communicating with the other. My dad used to say that we knew quiet a bit of oriya aswell. But we mostly communicated in hindi and english. There were a lot of kids around the neighbourhood. Asha, Anu, Happy, Bunty, Mani Bhushan, Shweta, Bunty, Swini, Kuni, Bapu are some of the names that i remember. And it was nice to see then after 10 long years via Orkut. Every evening my brother and i used to take our bikes and roam around. My brother, Rohan, used to play cricket with the boys. I dont remember what I used to do. But it was always fun.



We joined in the Central school for Tibetans. Majority of the population in that village were Tibetans who fled from Tibet. So naturally our school had many Tibetan kids and about 11 Indian kids. Since there were very no Indians in my grade, it was decided that I skip a grade and join with Rohan, whose class had all the Indian. The school had a picturesque background. It was located on a hill top. There were corn fields behind our school. But Rohan and I felt like complete strangers. Asha and Anu went to school with us. It was a fun experience. One of my dad's co workers used to pick us all up by a bicycle. The rides were very thrilling, where we went up and down small hills surronded by dense forest.


Asha was elder to us. She was a good story teller. Our school is located nearly 5 to 6 Km from our house. On the way there are many huge banyan trees. Asha used to tell us that ghosts resided those tree. So whenever we pass them we have to cover our mouth to prevent them from entering our body. And gullible children we were, we blindly believed her. I remember once that when i fought with Asha, I refused to listen to her. So when the banyan tree neared I didnt cover my mouth until the last moment, when fear grasped me. LOL. She used to tell us that a crazy woman called Rangopathy lived near our school. She was an evil woman. And she showed us a woman who lived in a tattered hut made up of blankets. Once that woman even followed us to school. Frankly, we were scared to death trying to avoid her. But she was always there roght in front of us whenever we took a detour!! That was kind of scary.

Another story of Asha was about family next door to our house. They were kind of creepy. Asha used to say they did black magic. So we never spoke to them or acknowleged them. Once my dad and Mahji uncle was invited to attend their childs marriage. I remember Asha, rohan , Anu(her little sister) and me looking out the windown secretly, hoping that they dont poison our fathers.LoL.


Our school life was completely separate from the life in our home. Firstly our school friends were different from the friends at home. They were children of teachers. Kutchu, Vicky, Babu were closest to us. We spoke to them in English mainly. Vicky was the naughty kid, Kutchu the "I'm so great" kid and Babu the quiet one. We were always a single pack, though we had our occasional fights. But it was always fun.

I remember once when Rohan and I were in the staff room getting out notebooks corrected, I heard this sound, like someone was rolling a metal container on the floor. The next thing I knew was the sir's were all yelling "earth quake!!!!! earth quake". And I was lying on the parched grass face down. There was a slight tremor on the earth beneath me. And I bent my heard towards Asha asking what was going on. She just told me to lie down. But i wasnt scared, i was more curious to know what was going on? Why the whole school children were on the floor? It was later only that I knew the depth of what was going on. I saw the cracked walls and floors of our auditorium and I was scared then.

Living in Orissa, we faced a lot of natural calamities. There was a huge cyclone once. But we were in our homes that time. Being ingnorant little children, we just enjoyed the powerful winds blowing and the rain pouring down. What the heck, it got us away from school!!! But then we heard a creaking noise followed by a huge THUD! The next thing you know, the 20 foot high teak tree next to our house was down, just narrowly missing us. It was really our luck. The next day after the cyclone we went out to see what it had done to our village. The forest was almost completely washed out. Many roofs of thatched houses were blown off. But luckily no life was taken.

After school, we came back home and took our bicycles to play with the nieghbourhood kids. My bicycle was handed down to me after Rohan used it. Unlike in our school, we spoke with them in broken Hindi, but we got better later on. Among them Happy was my brothers best friend. Happy was the dare devil of our group. He was so funny. There used to be a milkman names Gouda, who used to tease all the kids. Once when he came to deliver milk, Happy and us decided to deflate his tyre. And we did just that and ran away. LOL. Another time, a snake lying curled in our verandah. Sankes were common in our areas since it lies near the forest. Cobras, crates, vipers, green tree snake etc were some that I have seen there. I dont know whta snake it was that day, lying curled on the ground. But we called our neighbours and they killed it and threw it in the vast empty plot in front of our house. When we told this to Happy, he said that we will go in search of the snake's carcass. And we were all chicken. Happy went alone and he bought back the body of the snake dangling for a stick and chased us with it. We all ran for our lives. Hehehe. It was really funny.

Holi was always the best time of the year. All the children of the nieghbourhood gather round and have a great time throwing coloures water and powder at each other. It was customary for everyone in the village to join in. If someone is reluctant, the people bang the doors of the house till that person comes out, so that they can attack him/her with colours. I remember it was a tedious task to clear our hands and faces afterwards. Diwali was only second best because not many people came around our house during that time. But it was always fun.

Tuna uncle was my dad's co worker in the bank. He was a nice, honest man. he was a local of the same palce, so he knew the place inside out. He used to take us on little trips inside the forest. On one such trip he came back quickly from the forest because he heard the roaring of a bear. I dont know how much it was true, but it was best not to question them, because they know the land better than us. It was not unusual to see wild animals on the road. Foxes, elephant, hyena etc are seen almost regularly at night.

If I want to write about Chadragiri, I could write a whole book. I think we did great justice to our childhood there. We had tonnes of fun, no studying yet full mark ;), and great friends. What more could a kid ask for huh?? Well i just brushed through my memories. yet so many memoreis remain untold. Someday, when I am in the mood to write, I will write down more. But till then good day to u!

License..UH OH!!!!

I got my learners license yesterday. Yipeee!!! And I am far away from getting a drivers license. Like the day before yesterday, I almost hit a chicken!!! I am sure after i am done with driving probably the insurance company, the animal safety unit, the police and a whole lot of people would be after me. Lol. When i went to get my learners yesterday there was a little problem. The address given in my ration card had the house name wrong. They had it "Geethabavan" instead of "Geethvan". And in my license papers i had written Geethavan. So when i went there the police officer said you cannot change the name. He asked me to see another officer inside. I went in. You know the room was AC. And the guy inside it was on the phone. He seemed to me like a big meany. While he was on the phone, i saw the rosary ring on his fingers and i thought hmm, since i had one too in my finger...maybe he would be nice to me. Well whatever it was he wasnt very nice to me. Nor was he very helpful. So after a while he kinda asked me to get out. And i lost all my hope of ever getting a learners. So in the middle of a strange and dusty office, infront of people i didnt even know, i lost it all and i cried. LOL. But in my defense, I didnt even know what to do. Besides its not like everyone saw me. I was decent enough to go to a corner and cry. Heheh. Alas! I changed my house name from Gethavan to Bavan!!! Hmmn. JEEEEEE if getting a learners was so bad for me...i wonder how i will managed to get the license without coming apart. I still ahvent understood fully what the function of a clutch is!!!! Hey But i just started OK!! I will eventually learn. Keeping my fingers crossed Hehehe. Well dont say i warned you..."people stay clear, an amature in on the road".

A dedication to my beloved College!

Yesterday i got my TC from college. Now its official. I have severed all ties from my college. I had grown so accustomed to getting on Jan Shadabdhi (train) and going away to Cochin for college. Now it seems that I will never be travelling that often anymore. When I walked in yesterday, it struck a familiar chord in me. I felt so nostalgic. When i was much younger, my mom used to tell me always "look, here is the college I studied in". It never struck me that important. But i failed to see that it meant something more to her. Now i understand. I have just begun to familiarise myself with all the nooks and crannies of my college and now i am being taken away from that familiar place. When I first joined, all i wanted to do was get out. But now that i am out, i just wanna get back in lol :). So here i will jot down things that i am going to miss about my college and also my hostel ( I will mostly refer the inanimate objects).


1. the Science block of my college. Even though it was just a 5 storeyed building in a confined space and you couldnt call it a college, it was B-E-A-UTIFUL!!!!!!


2. The zoology department on the second floor of the building. A darkly lit corridor, two huge labs, three classrooms, the creepy specimens room with all weird creature from every phyla you could imagine, and the even creepier staff room (lol)...i feel like describing a room in a horror movie or something, now all we need is Frankenstien monster...lol.


3. The "Botanical garden" of our college, more like a small plot of greenery. But still it was pretty.


4. Anugraha Chapel. Peaceful and quiet.


5. Our canteen, which only serves Ulli vada and pazham pori. Also they had some other stuff n best of all Sip up. The canteen was my investment during the first year. It would explain how, even though i was in the hostel, i gained weight :)

6. Blacky, our black cat that gets naughty around girls. Hehehe he is our favourite

7. The Gym Plaza ofcourse!!!!!! that big outdoor auditorium has held so many memories, from throw ball games, to bat minton, to running races and so many more.

8. The mess hall with its Oh So Boring dishes. But what can i say, i love it! The yellow curry, the weird avial, the soapy plates and glasses...lol those were so funny.

9. Sister Annies funny flower arrangements in the chapel. You know sometimes she just plucks some leaves out of the garden and calls is flower arrangement. Jesus Christ, it is so hilarious.

10. My hostel. So many many memories have been made there in the 3 years that i was there.

11. The main block, the Elysium, the Library...which i have used 2 times :)

Well these are most of the things that come to my mind right now ( I just ate a big meal, so dont push it!!!). Well maybe years later, one day while passing by my college i will tell my children " look here kids, this is where your mommy studied" and they would be like "Oh mom, not again!". Hehehe.

Things i Love

I was goin through one of my friends blogs and i loved a blog she wrote about her favorite things. Hers is a well read blog while mine is more like my personal diary in a public place. Lol. She writes pretty well and creatively too. Her style of writitng too is laid back. Well i dont think that i am much of a writer but i love to pen down all my feelings. It kind of relaxes me. So after going through her blog i decided that i would like to do a blog on the things that make me happy. The things that when i see and feel take me to my special place. Well here goes



1. Nature- I love the colour green, the peace and quietness of a green place. The feeling of freshness when you are standing there. A calmness passes through you. It just feels as if you blend into nature. Just close you eyes and listen too a different sounds.

2. The smell of parched earth when rain falls on it for the first time. When the sand rises up, it gives me a nostalgic feeling.

3. My own pesonal space in the garden in my old house, Geethavan. It was amidst all the plants. It was just a rock behind the big Guava tree. But when you go and sit there, no one can see you. It was a good place for me to escape to when i need some alone time and some time to think.

4. When one of my old friends call me after so long and we talk like it were only yesterday when we last met.

5. Writing in my Journal (DD as i call him). It in a wonder how just one book could make me feel better in just a matter of minutes. Writing in it with all mixed emotions give me a great relief. Its as if i am taking the weight of the whole world off my shoulders.

6. Listening to Ronan Keating singing "nothing at all" from the movie Notting hill. P.S watch the movie all u die hard romantics!

7. Buying book from the DC book stores and all the other book stores. I love to collect books. After buying a book it gives me a certain euphoria and i just feel good about it.

8. Reading books in one of my favorite things. I love books that touch my heart like A thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and God of Small Things By Arundhati Roy.

9. Going shopping or even window shopping down the busy streets of Cochin.

10. Spending some quality time with my family and cousins. It so nice to have a get together once in a while. Its so nice to hear all of us gathered round a table and just cracking jokes about the old times and just being nostalgic.

11. The video of Rohan and I when we were in the 6th and 5th grade repectively. Rohan was so young and chubby. He sung the Titanic song with so much passion and emotions( almost like Celien dion sicne his voice was not yet cracked). It such a funny scene coz he also had soemthing to eat in his other hand. And i wasnt bad either. I was an attention seeker. The camera loved me...or rather i loved the camera. heheh

12. The times i had in the hostel. When we made scrambled eggs without the aid of a stove. Lol well we stole eggs from the hostel mess (it wasnt stealing coz we pratically paid for those eggs every month!!!). So correction. We took eggs from the mess. We "borrowed" a candle from the table beneath Mary's statue. And then matches 3 glasses and a plate and parachute oil and salt and chilly powder, we made wonderful scrambled eggs. Hehehe...have some imagination people.

13. The outing we had in the hostle, Feb 14th 2008, Ghajini movie, Cherain beach etc. All the functions we orgnaised together. All the funny moment we enjoyed together. Just thinking about it brings a sad smiel to my face.

14. Hydrebad trip with my collegemates. I got more close with them during that time.

15. Collection of seaweeds with Minu, Shayana, Shabitha and Shilpa. You guys i had the time of my life. It was so fun to take a dip in the remote area of Narakkal beach in the name of collecting seaweeds. Afterwards we went into the house of a local and took a bath there. Its the kind of things you too in Lonely planet lol. It was truly adventurous!!!

16. Our 10ths standard Kodaikanal trip. Wow I truly enjoyed each and every moment of it.

17. The time i spent with my friend SJ after our 12th board exams. All the non sense talk we used to do during class hours. MBAU!!! ehheh phone call studies the day before biology exams. Complaining about you know who. ehhehe

18. The talks that i have with my bro Rohan.

19. Being in LOVE. Knowing that someone means the wolrd to you and you mean the world to someone is a feeling worth fighting for.

20. Looking at our house which is under construction and looking at my room. Makes think about how hard my dad has worked to make his dream come true.

21. The time i won the Best outgoing Student from the hostel. It was a great moment for me. thanks to my dearest Junior Neetha Kutty. I enjoyed each and every moment of it.

22. My college farewell. It was then that i realised what i would be missing.

23. Star gazing during the night. We get a wonderful view from our balcony. Its very amazing to watch lightening from there too.

24. My Ammachi. I just love her soo much. and i love all the things she does for me.

25. Painting!!!!

26. Driving. Even though i have jsut started to learn, i love the feeling of being behind the wheel!

27. Walking through a deserted beach. Feeling the sand and water beneath my feet.

28. Travelling to new places. Discovering new cultures and traditions. The whole experience just makes adrenaline rush through my veins.

29. Pulling others legs :) especially my dad's.

30. My moms and Ammachi's cooking.

31. My teddy bears, Ponies and Barbie dolls. Reminds me of a simpler time :)

32. Tonnes and tonnes of photos of my childhood.

33. The time we had in Orissa.

34. Dancing to the beats of any song.

35. Tears in the eyes of my Ammachi, when i leave. I just love her a lot.

36. Sani and Saranya.

37. The silence of a Church. The conversations i ahve with God. My beliefs.

38. Day dreaming. heheh

39. A smile from someone you care.

40. Dogs...i love em. I just dont have any :( But if i did, their names would be Simba and Simonne

41. Getting compliments. Now who doesnt like that.

42. Seeing the one ring on my finger.

43. Seeing my parents laugh.

44. Playing on the swing. I will always love that.

45. Seeing flowers :)

46. Being around the children of Shishu bhavan. Bhanupriya, i miss you.

47. The smell of roses when you wake up.

48. Seeing the Birthday card that my Ammama gave me in 2009, the last birthday card ever.

49. Remembering that beautiful Sunset on a cold January, in Cherai beach, with a pod of dolphins jumping from the blue sea, and spending it with the best person ever!!

50. Being sung a song to and making you feel that you are the best thing ever :)

51. My best friend Divy...how she always looks after me :)...and how she never gives up on me.

52. My best friend Anoja, who constantly makes me laugh...whom I have so much in common...we basically are travellers in the same boat!!! :P

These are just some of the moments and things that make me happy and brings a smile to my face. Well that is about all. TC guys.

This ever changing world of mine!!

Growing up everything came easy to me. Well i certainly do think so. But i am not that spoilt rich girl who blows up all her daddy's money. I was and still am my daddy little girl. So when i wanted something really bad i pushed n pushed my parents till i got it...well atleast if they thought it was necessary they bought it for me. But i am not that much of a spoilt brat. I am adamant and stubborn and i believe in my own views. Sometimes I find it hard to compromise with others who dont share the same point of view as i do. Well it came as a huge down fall to me. I lost some good friends because of that. Its coz i believe in honesty...and i think that is one of the important virtues for me. If someone breeches my trust ...someone whom i loved and cared for so dearly...i cant still like that person the same way and not think about what happened. Well its not in me to forget...but i do forgive.

So now i am at my best age...atleast that is what i think. And i feel bad that i didnt do my age any justice. I couldnt enjoy the way i wanted to. I missed out on all that these three years in college. Dont get me wrong, but college was awesome and it changed me a lot, am sure about that. But there were so many things i wanted to do and that i couldnt coz i was either chicken or lazy or the opportunity just never came by me. And in the end of the whole 3 years, what friends i made ceased to be what they were to me any longer. It pains me immensely. Hmmm now is there any going back??? i donno. let us wait and watch what happens.

Now am getting older. And i guess i must behave maturely aswell. In 2 or 3 years will be going away from my parents and i have yet to learn a lot about being responsible. My parents would no longer be by my side to satisfy all my whims and fancies. I need to learn to consider about others and their needs without completely giving up on my freedom and my happiness. It is not a compromise i would be making but a necessity from my part. Well to be frank i am a bit scared about what is going to happen in the future. Alas it all written in the pages of a book called my life. And the editor is God alone. So let us see how that book turns out eh?? So far not soo bad eh?? heheh well these were some thoughts that were disturbing me for the past few weeks and i didn't know how to put in into words. well donno if i expressed myself fully but guess this would satisfy me. heheh

The reunion..oops!

One fine day after all my exams were over i received a call from Aswathi ( my old schoolmate...we all used to be in a gang when we were in the 10th). well when i saw her call on my phone i was, frankly speaking, scared. no, not because i have this inferiority complex, but because i thought something might have happened to someone i know ( coz u know she call me like ...hmmnn lets say...NEVER!!!). well i am glad to tell you that nothing like that happened. infact she was calling all the old friends to come to her sisters wedding. i was quiet reluctant coz u know i am never good at meeting the old friends. i just dont fit in u know...i never used to fit it. but hesitantly i agreed coz anitha pushed me. so we both decided to go together to Tvm. n our epic journey began...lol too much melodrama i agree. so we arrived in Tvm...she stayed in my house. next day got ready to go to the wedding. U know i must have told Anu a millions times that "oh god how awkward". heheh and she was also kinda hesitant to go..coz u know its been 3 or 4 years since both of us had any contact with these fellas. and u know the people who are coming there have contacted each other on a regular basis...n us...we haven't contacted anyone else but us!!! hmmm now that was a big problem. so we both decided that we will lie and tell them that we have got a train at 12. 30 PM and so we wont be staying that long!!! the plan seemed really good and believable. so what the heck we both agreed!!

when we reached there we were greeted by the very hyperactive (as usual) ruby. hmnn now if it were lemme say 5 years back we both would have been really good friends....but u know time flies by and before you know it we r not good frnds anymore!!! (sigh). even though she was cheerful n all i felt a cold vibe from her...or was it me...ohh...well all i am saying is that i didnt feel too good. and as time went by more people started arriving...aravind, surya (who gave me this. spine chilling look as if in the movie "i know what you did last summer"" ooo creepy...exaggerating again!!!!!!!!!). and then there dinesh rakesh gautham rahul....arrgh...blast from the past. You know i donno whats wrong with these guys but rakesh n dinesh kept sayin "oh look who this is...blah blah....she doesnt keep contact at all...yada yada yada...n again some more blahs....frankly i felt like kicking them in their shins.....as if i dditn keep contact...they were the one who didnt even try!!!!!!!! arrgh...hmnn n believe me it was toooooooo akward...and Anu felt the same way. we just wanted to get out. hheh and if u forgot...we were in a wedding..n we kinda didnt see any of it...coz it was too crowded inside.

so as cinderella's time was up even before she knew it...so was our. and mind u we didnt even eat the sadya...damn u!!!! and we had to keep up the lie we wove together so intricately...or else it would all be a big shame!!! so we got out at 12....heheh n our hungry stomachs wandered into an ice cream parlour and satisfied themselves. and then anu and i were off to our own homes.

that noon Tia mol gave me a call n said she was in the neighbourhood...n so i ran down (mind u i had my house dress on) to meet. her. while i was waiting for her to come...i became conscious of the glances that i was getting from the people in the road...but i decided to ignore it...but still it kept nagging me in the back...that is when tia mols car arrived. i was sooo glad...n i waited till her car turned the corner n kept waving until that. but u know far away (eyes of an eagle) i spotted a bike stopped n guy arching their heads back to look at me or something else i didnt know. i soon started walking inside...and then after about 7 steps...i heard s call "RESHMA". i turned back an guess who it was..rahul n gautham...oh yea they though i was gone on the 12. 30 train...and it was already 3. 30. oh crap. n then unwillingly i walked towards them...embarrased...n with a million thought circling my mind...oh crap oh crap oh crap...n then another bike came...n dinesh n his friends was in it...could this get any worse???? hmnn n then we talked for like what seemed like the longest 1 min of my life!!!!! and thankfully they didnt ask me anything about the train...even though i guess they figured out by now that i lied. but u know for what it was worth...i dont care what they feel...n they dont care what i feel...so there was noo harm done...just that i was proved a liar....n Anu got herself saved....heheh lol...but wht the heck...i guess it was a good laugh!!!!!!

These are my confessions!

Hmmm its been quiet long since i have blogged!! well actually its been quiet long since i have even entered orkut. one might say i am in some rural area where there is no computer at all. but its all wrong. i was in Cochin itself (yep tas right Mini B'lore) where i was too busy to even check my orkut account. hmmm the truth is that i actually lost interest.

well a lot of things have been happening lately. my classes are over...almost...i just have practicals to go and afteward i am done with college. I got a degree at hand right now hmm! well is that something to be proud of...heck ya!!!! but i dont feel like celebrating. i was the kind of person who kept on saying that i would not miss my college life at all! but it was during the end of third year ( after the excursion to be precise) that i truly started to appreciate the people in my class. they are so nice and friendly and so fun to be with. i regret not getting to know them beforehand. and now class is almost over...and i wont ever be seeing them agian, will i? it just is too unfair...but i guess that is the magic of relationships. it is always at its best at the begining and gradually the magic of the relationship wears off....until if both sides works so much to keep it together. is that what happened with my hostel friends??? i always said that i wouldnt miss my college at all and that i would only miss my hostel. but frankly speaking...at the time of the farewell i cried so much for leaving my collegemates...and how much ever hard i tried i couldnt cry when my friends vacated the hostel....and no one cried when i left the hostel...i left so quietly and swiftly...no one ever knew....not even a soul. and i guess i wanted to go unnoticed aswell. i didnt know how to react if they all cried (which never happened). But how to you keep a relatyionship...any relationship, be it a friend or a lover, a perfect one??? withoput jealousy and possessiveness and with a whole lot of trust...i think there might be a good enough chance of the relationship to become a nearly perfect one. by the end of the year things started going haywire in the hostel. i mean i am the one to be blamed i know!!! one of my roomates ( the one who was a good friend of mine before) and i became very very distant. it was as if a cold war was taking place. we both were very uncomfortable with each other. i really donno what wen wrong where...and i am chicken to ask her the same. i guess we slowly couldnt stand each others behaviours. and to make matters worse jealousy and possessiveness played a very important part in all this. my other roomates is best friends with both of us. so generally i felt a pang of jealousy when she spent more time with her. well i really donno why i worried so much then. i kind of realised that my best friend didnt care that much about me as i did. it always happens to me. also one of my other best friends, i learnt, lied to me in a very serious matter. she and i were so close with each other. she knew a lot about me and vioce versa. and i never imagined she would lie to me. maybe its because of her own insecurities or something, but it hurt me so much to know about that. and slowly i started retreating from everyone and even from the one who loved me. i made it hard for them to stand me. i guess i was, still am building walls around me to keep everyone away from me. well i wish i could change all this. i want my roomate (the one i am having a cold war with) to know that i am really terribly sorry for whatever that i have done to hurt her. yea u must be wondering how i know that i am the one who caused her all the misery. i knew from a source (that i am not proud to brag about) that she has been having problems with me. i think sometimes that i should just sms her and be out with it...but as i said before i am too chicken. and my other roomate...well i wish i would stop being to possessive about you. but u know it because i really care about you. i hurt to know that you have changed a lot with you attitude towards me. someone has come to replace me. but you know i still love you and i will always be your good friend. and my second best friend, i dont hold any grudes against you. circumstances may have made you tell that lie to me. but believe me everyone makes a mistake and no one is perfect. i see past that part of you, the way you do with me, and i accept thar part of you. i like you very much. and i wish you wouldnt be distant with me for all those reasons. u still are the one whom i trust. and one of my other close friends ( i know its very hard to understand which friend is which, but i am purposefully refraining from saying their names. they know who they are and thats all that matters), i am always praying for you. i know everything is going to be alright. you will fair well where ever you are dear. dont be scared. face all the problems in life with a smile in your face. god bless you dear. and the rest of the people in my gang. i know i ahvent been thta close with you. i know u ahve got some other image of me in my mind, but given the chance i would have liked to start over with us. i know i didnt cry openly, but frankly i am cryin silently. i hope all of you reach your destinies and god will always be there to guide you. take care my friends. you all are dearly missed.

THE BIG TWO OOO!!!

Ro n me at the resort!


Hmnnn well i am soon to be 20 years old(to be precise 2 days more to go, dec 3rd). I cant believe that i have been on this planet earth for 20 long years! the years just seem to fly by so quickly.Unlike most people i am not upset about not being able to be a teen anymore.I still think that i have the maturity of a teenager.no matter what my age is i think the attitude makes all the difference.Guess my attitude wont last that long lol.i am growing up n with it comes a whole lot of responsibilities. and to be able to live upto my responsibilities will make me matured in the course of time. Then i will be upset about not being able to be a teen...live a fun and full life...enjoy n do masti with my friends....i mean i cant imagine doing silly stuff with my friends when i am older.Hmnn well as i sit here listening to my favourite music...i ponder over what is to come. what will happen to me in the years to come...where will i be...all those things...well with Gods grace i will be doing well hopefully!

Well my dada gave me a wonderful pre bday celebration for.he took mom, ro and me to a resort in poovar and treated us to an exquisite lunch and a boat ride through the backwaters afterwards. I saw the pool there in the resort n i just wanted so much to take a dip in it!damn they didnt allow me...the usual dailogue "you are too big for all that stuff" followed...hmn!!!well then i let it go coz i knew with wouldnt work no matter how much i pleaded! then afterwards dada bought me a salwar set. My mom made an amazing dinner of batoora n channa n paneer.i cute the cake hastily that i even forgot to blow off the candles!! lol...but the bday celebration was a good one.

Now i am going back to my hostel tomo morn.i am not very much interested for my hostel celebration as two of my best friends are down with chicken pox.one of them being my roomie. I decided i am gonna give a celebration only after they come.

hmnn now since i am gonna turn 20...i have certain wishes and certain thing i wanna change about me.God know it. and i ask him to help me full fill those.well May god bless us all!

Onam!!!

My my cute lil friend at hostel!!!!
Thats the whole bunch trying to push a car in our saree(even thought it was just a pose...the care actually moved lol...we must be strong!!!! ) Thats our Pookalam...well it might not be all that perfect to you and to us it was

B-E-A-UTIFUL!!!!

August 30th was the onam celebration in our hostel. The 3rd year students were in charge of organising the onam celebration. And i must say it was damn good!!! lol i am not boasting but it was true. The students from arts hostel were also with us and they were pretty amazing. Me and tonychi designed the athapukalam(which was a copy from the newspaper ad...but who will know...n beside it wasnt an exact copy...we modified it a bit heheh).And then he stage decorations were all last minute...but it turned out pretty ok(since we made it all withing 2 hours). But frankly the chruch decoration didnt reflect the onam spirit...it looked more like a wild jungle decorated with ribbons heheh(courtsey of annie sister..lol)but even still it looked good...but not for this occassion.

Then the games organised by us were pretty awesome..and all the competitions were also pretty good.The second years took away the trophy!!!!We all looked beautiful in out kerala saree. and imagine us wearin out sarees and serving food to all the people in the hostel. I spilled curry all over my saree:(. Chinnu was the maveli...she was really hesitant but we insisted and pushed her and finally she agreed. by the end of the day we were all worn out but it was really fun!!!

EURO CUP FINALS!!! 2008!!!!!

Michael ballack(germany). is the captain of the german team. Plays as the mid fielder. awesome player. Plays for Chelsea FC.





My ever so loving Cesc fabregas(spain). playing as substitute....at 21 yrs he has achieved so much!!! bravo!!!! Also a player of the Arsenal FC! go gunner go!!!

Tomorrow is the euro cup finals between germany and spain. Both germany and spain were the teams i was supporting from day one onwards( coz frm germany there was ballack and from spain there was my ever so lovely fabregas!!!).I couldnt believe it that they reached the finals. I donno now which team to support for tomorrow's game but i am more baised towards spain. They paly wonderfully!!! my uncle kept a bet with me for 500 bucks to see who wins.he supports germany and i, spain. hopefully spain will win!!!keeping my fingers crossed!!!

Nothing but concrete!

Today as i was going through one of my friends albums i saw the beautiful pics she took of her home and her garden. I was so envious. i had a garden like that in my old home "Geethavan". I missing it very much.My parents worked hard on that garden going to different nurseries and carefully selecting the plants they wanted on their garden. It was really beautiful. It gave a refreshing look to the old antique home of ours.they both complemented each other.There used to be a corner of the garden which i used to go and sit in. It was surrounded by the guava tree and many creeper amidst which there was a rock. there i used to go and sit and organise my thoughts. there was the the mango tree, the jaathika tree, the coconut tree and many varities of palms like feather palm. champagne palm, red palm etc. There were numerous begonias and crotons, cactii, peperomia,orchid etc. It was our beautiful garden.

But all that is now gone. There is just a barren untended ground there now. Remenants of a past soon to be forgotten.(sigh). Even though they remain fresh in my memory i cant produce an exact image of it to other. In this flat you can only see the endless sky. It is beautiful yet the greenery is lacking. I cant smell the parched ground when the rain falls on it, i cant see the new blossoms of the plant enjoying the spring, i cant feel the millions of droplets of rain coming down on me when we shake a tree after the rain...i cant feel close to the nature like i used to before. all i see is concrete structures rising to our level obstructing the beautiful view of the endless sky. i feel sad about that one fact!!

Death...an unwelcomed visitor.

You know sometimes something happen so unexpectedly that you are caught off gaurd. Death is one of them...an unwelcomed visitor. You or i can die anytime...we know this ..we know that who ever is bor has to die one day. We are so much aware of it yet we are unaware in some way or the other.It ironic. today one of my relatives died of cancer.she was really old. she had a miserable life and was a rich person who became poor later on. She always used to ask my grandmother and my uncle for financial support . she loved my uncle a lot because he helped her and her daughter a lot. She was lying in the paliative care centre for a few weeks now. ammama, i think, didnt know it was this serious. And she is just as shocked as i am. I pray that her soul rests in peace and i pray for her daughter too. Hope god saves them.

Haircut!

My parents came yesterday from agra to visit my uncle from US. I took a weeks sick leave from college...well actually my teachers dont know it yet heheh. So we all went out today and we saw our house construction site. They almost finished 30% of it you can say. Its a small cute house and i love it very much. My room as already been decided and i saw myself living there with my imaginary Pugs...heheh simba n simone ofcourse!! then we went to the vettukadu chruch n prayed there. afterwards me n mom went out shoping n it was really fun. I had my haircut in the lakme saloon...325 rs gone like tht...hmmn. well i was really upset to see my hair get short...i swear i never really cared about my hair like tht...but this time i was really upset to see my hair get short. hmnn wel gone is gone...my hair will grow back hopefully(sigh).well today there is germany VS turkey euro cup tournament...i wanna see my 2 best teams germany n spain in the finals...hopefully tht will come true. chao for now

College life again!

My third and finaly year in college started. It was hectic for a few days because we were juggling practicals(2nd years) and theory classes(3rd years). the reason we were still doing 2nd year pracs were coz we didnt finish it in the 2nd year itself! DUH! heheh well we were anxious to finish it as soon as possible coz our university pracs were soon to come. It got over n it was nice. i would loose a mark or two for my sloppy display of the nervous system of prawn. lol.

we got a room next to the sister. It isnt that bad as you think it is( if u keep quiet that is!!)> my roomates are chinnu n faheema. The arts students moved in and they arents as bad as we thought they were...well atleast the 2nd years!!! the 3rd years are yet to loosen up. we had a gathering during my 3 weeks stay there. it was fun. Arts n science together. hmnnn

This is going to hurt just a little bit

A few days back i went to the dentist to get somethings done in my teeth. I used to wear braces and now after i removed it there were some gaps. While i was sitting in the dentist chair the famous poem of Ogden Nash came to my mind "This is going to hurt just a little bit". This poem humourously portrays the poet sitting in the dentist chair and feeling humiliated and embarrassed. All the things the dentist does feels like a torture to him. Just like that as i was sitting in the dentist chair i felt a lack of dignity in my position event though i knew no one was watching me(except for the dentist).I mean i was sitting with cotton balls in my mouth and my mouth wide open, my lips getting dry.I mean who wants to be seen in such a condition. And the dentist was pulling at my hair trying to get a better veiw of my teeth. and he took the lazer out and it was resting in my neck as if i was a table.And Well i just hope that i wont be going to the dentist anytime soon coz i really dont want to...lol.I can really understand the poet now!!!!

A dedication to my hostelmates and my college

Yet another college year has come to pass. Another one is going to begin soon enough.It is my final yearly sadly. After this i will be leaving with a degree in hand(although not that handy!!!).I know that i often complain about missing out on certain thing and missin out on the 'actual' college life in a mixed college, what i think i would miss most is my own college life.I guess i dont value it as much as i ought to.

These are the influential years of my life. I have learnt so much in the past two years staying at the hostel, being independant(though not exactly...but still!!), coming across different character, handling a situation, adjusting with others, learning to value my family...oh i could just go on!!! But more importantly i have made some friends for life in my hostel. These are the people who i have been living with the past two years. It always like a slumber party at my hostel. The fun and the jokes we make. The fight (even though we lauf about it now) we fought.All the programs we organised and were a part of. they just get stored in the hard disk of life...my brain lol.
Though i havent made much friends in my class i would miss them all. I would miss the college(even though how much i complain about the need for space...coz the college is so congested).
But i know that i would miss college so much and my hostel especially so much. I have no clue if i will ever cross paths with the friends in my college except a select few though...but my hostel mates...we will stay connected...forever!!!!

Male chauvenism...hmnn

Today i went to the bank with my mother.I was sitting there comfortably near the counter while my mom was getting all her stuff done(Drafting a cheque or something like tht...hey i am not ignorant...i just choose not to get involved in these kinda official stuff heheh). As i was sitting there idly a couple walk in with there 2 something daughter. The mother walks in all smiling and the daughter is so hyper active and smiling too. they come and sit next to me. I can hear their conversation clearly(i wasnt eavesdropping!!!). the husband was clearly angry at his wife for some reason. I think they were coming in to start a new account. So the wife was filling up the form and she didnt know how exactly. She was asking her husband help and he was getting irritated at her. the daughter innocent and too young to understand what is going on starts walkin around the bank with her slipper making a squeaking noise whenever she walks. She walks upto the filter and starts playing with the water. He father annoyingly bring her back to his lap.The couple have a heated argument(though not making a scene or anything)...and i try not to hear. After a while i saw the husband hitting his wife in the face in such a way that no one could see but i saw it as his actions were reflected in the glass window opposite us. I got infuriated but how could i interfere. It was their private affair. so i watched in silence as the husband walked off telling his wife to manage it on her own. the wife even though sadness relfected in her eyes looks at me and smiles(a typical house wife supressing all her emotions) and asks me how to fill up the form. I tell her some of it. Then the child is also giving her a tough time. so i decide to play with her for a while so that the mother could fill the form in peace.

So this incident just left me thinking...the world is changing so much and its no longer the male dominated society as in the past. The female counterparts are rising up on a par with the males as well. Yet these kind of male chauvenism isnt rare.There are women who stay mum to all these. Well we cant blame them either. The society has set an impression that the females arent supposed to fight back or anything. I dont know about myself, what i might do or say but i think you should always stand up for what you think is right. I just hope all the other females out their realise it too. Hmnn

i have no idea wht title to give hehhe

hey tis been long since i wrote summat in my blog.well my exams are over finally!!! but unfourtunately my lab exams arent. so when college begins in 2 weeks have to be up and ready for teh exam(sigh).mom and dad are coming on tuesday so i am kinda glad about it. its been quiet a while since i saw them and i was starting to miss them so much. Next year classes arent goin to be that interesting for me since we dont have combined classes. so i am going to be stuck at my own class for the whole year and thats going to be a bit boring. the sister is going to allot the rooms in the hostel this year(not like last year where we could choose our own roommates). so i am not looking forward to hostel aswell. today tried and makes something in the kitchen and kind of burned my hand a little. heheh nothin unusual there i guess. i had gone for a movie with ro n his frnds, chronicle of narnia. it is such a good movie n i loved it. and it was so fun hanging out with his frnds.all of them were commenting so much on the movie and it was just so much fun hehehhe.they are nice people.well for now i will stop.

Picture perfect????

For a few weeks i had put up my picture as the orkut display pic. That photo of me, i have to say, was an exceptionally good one,even though the real me wont look that pretty(i donno what it was... the lighting,the skin, the perfect angle the face was tilted???who knows).I just wanted to see how many people would come upto me seeing my picture. Amazingly a lot many people came upto me saying they liked the way i look, they wanted to be my friend and even one of them went as far as giving me an offer for being a model of a jewellery. I got many friends request. I was overwhelmed. And thankyou for all the compliment. What struck me was that none of them were looking to be friends with me because they read my profile or my testimonial and liked it...no. All of them went for my looks and looks can be decieving especially pics too. They just wanted another goodloking girl in their list that they could brag about n show off to their friends. What upset me the most were that people i knew in my friends list were being very friendly to me.Where was all this friendship before??? So it kinda struck me odd...but then when i thought about it this was the real world. This is how people were. there would be only a handful who would look at your personality and wanna be friends with you.

Future Chef....no way!

Hehehh well not exactly. There is a whole group of great cooks in my family...my mom my two grandmother...my aunty...etc!!!! I am the proof that sometimes all these heriditary things can skip a generation! growing up my mom made sure that i got every luxury which was within there limitation. I never had to see the kitchen (unlike in the old day where a girl by the age of 13 was supposed to be well equipped with all the cooking knowledge that has been passed on from generation to generation). well since i have a great history of good cook in my family i thought i might be a natural in the kitchen..there i made a miscalculation... i am a terrible cook.Whenever i enter kitchen i bring some amount of bad luck with me hehhe.Like this one time i tried to help my mom make a desert i ended up to be a very bad idea. i spilled hot oil all over my moms hand and my poor mama suffered for it:(:(. i was really upset abt the whole incident!!!Then yest i was makin egg rice. we had recently moved to a new flat n since i dont live here i didnt know where all the things were. i put oil in the pan n put some masala and while trying to figure out where all the other masala were i ended up burning the dish(sigh). well i guess every policeman makes a mistake.heheh. well But today i tried my hand in makin puddin for my brother bday...it turned out quiet nice(except for the fact that i brought jelly mis instead of gelatin which is the major ingredient!!!). well thankgod my mom had bought a paket of gelatin already. God saved the day heheh. well tomo gonna make spagetti...n donno how its gonna end up.
Well here are some things that i learnt from my past cookin experience:

*Em when there is hot oil in the pan be extra careful not to spill it on yourself...be sure to have tongs to hold the pan and avoid being clumsy for a while hehe
*dont keep you face or body close to the stove while lighting the stove. heheh
*Make sure you keep all the ingredient out before you start making a dish...or else you will end up with a black mess!!
*and make sure to get the correct ingredients the next time;)

well that its for today...if anymore come up i will just add hehhe

Blast from the past

Ok its been really long since i wrote a blog i know....i had been away to Kochin for writing my exams. the 3 exams were good...but not satis factory to me though. anyways i am glad those three papers are over and the enxt set of paper i due on may which i have no clue about. i am really scared about them but i don really know wht i will do.

In these past few months i have been getting blasts from the past in the form of finding old childhood friends through orkut. I foun swini, kuni, bapu, Asha, shweta and the recent one being happy. I am so glad to see all of them in orkut. I was so amazing...now only Manibushan and bunty are to be seen in orkut then we all wll become one again. I was so glad to see happy in orkut. and shocked to learn that he got married. He was kind of my childhood hero...very adventurous and up for dare devilry. He called me up today it was so fun talking with him. I miss all those times we all used to play and have fun! A time without any responsibilities to shoulder.

Anyways glad to see all of them...hope to visit the olf village chandragiri with all of them once again!!!!

PG level stuff!

My exams are ever so near n i have no idea what to do. I mean i ahvent studied much coz i feel they might postpone it. And for that very reason i fear they wont(i dont believe in my premonitions lol). Its the holy week and my 50 day lent (which wasnt that strict) is going to end tomorrow. All my aunts and uncles are here to celebrate it with my grandmother. So i cant study properly...every room is full n packed and there is too much noise. On top of that there is this pressure...that i am going to change this world upside down like i said b4. Yea well theres news for you "I AM NOT". well anyways yest i had a talk with an uncle. He is a good family friend. i always admired him coz he is a sensible man. He is a very knowlegable man. He knows all the things that is goin around n he is a very sucessful man. Yesterday only i came to know that he took my same degree and i was kind of happy. He is a visiting professor is many of the universities. So he told me to take up molecular biology or neurosciences for mt postgraduate level. Molecular biology is becoming so popular now...everyone is studying thigs at molecular elevl and trying to find more things. And neuroscience is all about the brain. So far we have been able to know only 5% of our brain and there is lot more to discover...so it is in demand. I might give it a thought.Neuroscience struck me as interesting,,hmmn..well i am also kind of interested in forensic science...well donno let me see. I was very gald for his advice!

Inspiring words..

I am a girl

I am an expression

Of beauty, joy and love.

I have the right, the

Power and the ability to

create a beautiful, joyful,

And peaceful world for

Myslef and others.

I Have a body, but

I am not my body.

I have a face,but i am

not my face. I am the

Most important thing

In the world to me.

I am love in motion

God send me to be

The light of the world.

I can create

I can make a mistake

I can create something

beautiful in all that i do

I deserve the best

I give my best

I do my best to always

Take care of me

I am a girl

I am growing into a woman

I AM IT.

I am the joy the world

Is waiting for.

Note:- My mom gave me a paper cut out of this poem. I do not know the original author...but I loved the poem so much so I uploaded that :)

Intro!!

Okies so here i am trying my hand in writing a short story. well i havent planned on what to write exactly and mostly my head is blank. I dont know whether you will like it or not but still i am goin to try. Also i want you to know that the characters in this story are purely fictional.If the story resembles that of anyone it is purely co incidental!!! So with God's grace let me start!!!

Mom I love you!

Amma and Appa had me when they were really old. Appa was in his early 50s and amma in her early 40s. They have been trying in vain to conceive for a long time. They were living in a rural village and the people there were narrow minded and conservative. Some believed that Amma wasnt able to conceive because she was demented, some were of the opinion that Appa had committed a grave sin in his previous life . For the people living there, having many children meant good health and good wealth. It was a sign of prosperity. So my parents were mostly outcast in their eyes. They were outcasts of the society. Life was going hard for them. Appa worked in a Bank. After almost 20 years he got promoted and transferred to a city called Trivandrum. It was the capitol of the state kerala.

Trivandrum was a huge changed for them from the village life. It was a developing city. Amma had never seen these many cars. There was Tv and phone and fridge in almost every home. And soon they would also be getting all that in their new home by the courtesy of the bank. Appa and Amma were almost happy. But they felt something lacking in them. There seemed an emptiness in their lives which could only be filled if and if only God gave them a child.

One morning when Amma woke up she felt that nauseous. Appa took her to the Medical hospital. That day changed their lives forever. The Doctor had given the good news that Amma was pregnant. And in nine months time i was born to them. I was their miracle child, their god given gift. So they named me Bhagya meaning luck.

Appa and Amma took good care of me. Appa loved me very much. They pampered me a lot and they were very protective of me. Appa always made sure that i got everything that i wanted. he couldnt bear seeing me upset. We were a happy family.

When i was 12 years old Appa died of heart failure. I remember that day very clearly. It was raining pretty hard. It seemed as if the sky was also mourning Appa's demise. There were a lot of people their wailing and beating their breast. And in the centre was Amma. She just sat there shocked and kept screaming. She kept cursing Appa for leaving us. I got scared of the way she reacted but as i grew old i understood it was her way of coping with loss. They cremated Appa the same day. I couldnt believe that Appa was gone. Who was going to take care of me now? Who would love me the way Appa did. I felt a deep sense of loss. There was a eerie silence in the room. Amma was almost all the time confined in her room and i did most of the cooking. I made sure she ate. Home just didnt feel like home anymore.

Almost 6 months passed this way. Then one morning I saw Amma pull herself together. She said to herself that she was a strong woman and she had a child whom she neglected for a long time. She reminded herself that she had to secure my future. We were living off Appa's pension for six month. But now Amma decided to take dance classes for the neighborhood children. She was an excellent dancer. The neighborhood was very generous and sent their children to learn dance from her. Each day i watched Amma grow stronger in will. I was happy to see her progress. But Amma grew distant with me. We didnt talk like we used to that often. She was more strict with me. I didnt know what happened. What did i ever do wrong to her?

As i grew into a teenager i found that i needed more space. I felt the need to be more trendy and good looking. Amma didnt approve of the way i dressed. She didnt approve of my company. She dditn like me talking with boys. She didnt like me going out. She didnt pretty much like anything that i did. So we always used to end up having rows. I felt that she was cold and withdrawn. I couldnt take it anymore. She never understood me. When my friends talked about their parents and how free they were with them i felt jealous. I felt embarrased to go around with her. And slowly we both drifted farther apart from each other. Amma always tried to make conversation with me. But i never made any effort. The distance became unnerving. But i never tried to do anything about it.

After school I got into a college in Bangalore. It was going to be my first time away from home. I was upset that i would be leaving Amma all alone, but in a way i was relieved to be out of there. I couldnt take it anymore. In Bangalore i met my future spouse Anoop. Amma had always warned me not to get into any relationships. She warned me that guys only wanted my body and not me. She always nagged me about that. I always felt she was wrong. Anoop was a nice guy from a decent family. We had an amazing chemistry. We found ourselves naturally drawn towards each other. Before college ended Anoop asked me to marry him. I said yes. It had always been my dream. Anoop's parents were happy about the decision. But i hadnt told Amma yet.

When i went back home i approached Amma with this proposal. Amma asked me what his caste was. There was a minor problem because he was from a lower caste than i was. I didnt care about it so didnt he. Amma didnt agree to the marriage. She put a foot down on it. She was so stubborn that she didnt even speak to his parents.She kept saying about the society and what they would say. I became so frustrated and infuriated by her. I fought with her and told her that i had enough of her. I told her that i didnt care about what she thought and i didnt want her to control my life. It was my decision and i left the house. I took most of my belonging and went to stay with Anoop and his family. We had a register marriage the following week. I was happy....happy to be away from the chains that kept me tied down. I was happy to be free. I was happy with Anoop. I didnt think about Amma that much. I somehow felt i made the correct decision. Anoop was the only one concerned about Amma. He always asked me to go and see her. I refused saying that i didnt want to see someone who wasnt happy to see me in a good place. I just didnt know what i was saying.

Like that almost 7 years had passed. Anoop and i had two children, a boy and a girl. i had a good job. we had a decent life.I was happy there. One morning i got a call in my office. when i attended the call i was surprised to know tha it was my neighbor in my old home, Valsala aunty. I wondered why she was calling me. She said she had some sad news to deliver. And deep inside my heart i knew it, i feared it. somehow i didnt want to know it. And she spilled the beans. Amma was dead. She died a peaceful death, thats what she told me. I kept the receiver down. I didnt know how to react. I just got up and left my office. I wandered around aimlessly. i couldnt believe Amma was dead. Suddenly guilt struck me like lightning. What kinda of a daughter was i? I could have tried to patch things up between us. I could have gone to see her atleast once. And i started crying. i couldnt stop. And i felt upset that she never came looking for me. She hated me. she didnt know about my life. My children never got to know their grandmother. I hated myself. I was angry at Amma for leaving me. She could have come atleast once ...she could have atleast checked if i was doing alrite!!! why didnt you Amma why?

I called Anoop up and told him about Amma. We left for Trivandrum immediately. The funeral was arranged by Anoop. He took care of everything. I saw Amma's face. It was pale and wrinkled. Her hair had gone white. But her face had a serenity to it. She was peaceful. I prayed for her soul.

That night i told Anoop about the way i felt. I wished i could have communicated with Amma more. And he confessed something to me. He said that he had been secretly writing letters to her and letting her know the progress of the family. he said he sent her cheques to lead her life.Amma also wrote letters to him but made him promise not to tell me about anything. He said she always asked about me and he said that i was always a nice daughter to her. He said that she was happy of all the decisions that i made and she was proud of me. She always regretted not being there for me at the time of need and she felt that she was never a good mother.

And all this while i had misunderstood Amma. I didnt see the love for me in her eye. I was being selfish and it blinded me. Oh how much i regret not spending time with Amma. Amma if you are listening to me i want you to know that you have always been a good mother to me and i love you for all that you have done for me. Amma i never said this to you but i want you to know that I love you and i miss you.