Until I Say "I Do"

I will be 27 years old this December, 2015. In any other part of the world, this would be the prime years of your youth. The age when you are enjoying your life, hanging out at clubs, drinking beer over the weekend, falling in/out of love, travelling and be adventurous and what not. But not here, in this God forsaken land (Oops...God’s own country!)...Kerala. Being 27 here means that your youth was aeons ago, when you were 20-23 years old. Being 27 and single here means that you are over age and your demand in the marriage market is plummeting like the worst stock market crash. Being 27 and unmarried here means that there is something wrong with you (maybe some disease or some “connection” with the bloke next door!!). And the worst of all is, being 27 and single here, you feel the peer pressure suffocating you and making you feel dejected.

As a 27 year old, very much single female, I wanted to share a few of my experiences with you all. The first signs of crack in the wall appeared when one by one, my best friends started to get hitched. Soon, I became someone who attended everyone of my friend’s wedding but was not able to return the courtesy back to them. “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride” everyone would say. The crack became prominent, when a few of my closest friends got engaged to be married. They felt bad for me and took pity on me. They went to great length to get me fixed up with people they knew. One of the people, whom I knew, went as far as smashing a coconut, as offering, in a temple for me to get married! These gestures, even though kind, lacked sincerity. The want for genuineness was mainly because it was triggered upon their marriages getting fixed. It was sympathy for my situation (the sole unmarried girl) that made them take up the mission to expedite the process of finding my Prince charming. Secretly, I felt that they wanted to keep the evil eyes (mine of course) away from their happy lives (wow that rhymed!).

The next sign of unravelling of the delicate tapestry of life came when men started behaving oddly around me. Let me phrase using animals as examples. When the mating season approaches, the male frogs produce a distinct vocalization (croak) to gain the attention of the female. That is what is going around me. Well more like, when they see a 27 year old virgin (assumptions) rotting away in her grave, they want to sympathize and provide a home/life for me. That freaks me out, the fact that there are some seriously hormonally charged men running around the campus. So far, none of their croaking sounds have enthused me to select a partner.

Oddly enough, I am happy with my decision. Right now, I don’t think I am ready to settle down. But on some off days, you think about what you are missing. Your maternal instincts kick in and you think about your best time of your life just slipping away. You think about waking up to someone you love every morning. You think about falling in love. Those are the days that you have reached the lowest point in your life. You just feel like going back to being a child again. The only phrase that keeps me at bay is that everything has its time and place. Mine is just around the corner.... 

The lengendary...wait for it....VESPAAAA :D

I was sitting down to write a statement of purpose for an application I was filling up. I was lacking inspiration and so thought I might look at my blog for that. I winded up writing about my one true love...my VESPA :P. Hehe.

I bought her on July 11th, after joining my new job in SCTIMST. I found travelling till my institute hectic, as I had to board two buses. So as the daddy's girl I am, I buttered him up to let me get a scooter so that my transportation will become much more easier. After relentlessly and diligently nagging my dad, he allowed to look for vehicles. Vespa had just recently been re-released into the market. It was a classic and beautiful scooter. And of course...it was LOVE at FIRST SIGHT :P. I wanted that but the price was a bit too steep. But after looking at other scooters, my mind kept flying back to Vespa. So I decided I wanted that only. I went ahead and booked a Red Vespa, which I received approximately two weeks later. This is my first vehicle and I can proudly say that I bought it with my own earnings :). 

I have always been perplexed when men call their rides "her", "she" or "babe". So I always imagined that my ride would be a "he". But apparently I lean towards calling it a babe instead of a hunk :P. 

So here are some experiences I had with my babe that I wanted to share.

-When I told one of my close friends that I was getting a Vespa, he said that you should live up to the standard of Vespa. I found that funny. The next thing he said was whatever happens, always ALWAYS save the vespa!!! :P I couldn't control my laughter. So I asked him, 'what about me??". He said who cares!!!! Hehe. 

-So when I finally took her out till my institute, I got a lot of wonderful reactions. There are a lot of scientists there who are so engrossed with research that they have no time to look up and smile. These were the scientists who were attracted to my girl. While I was doing an very very (not really) important experiment, one of the scientists came and asked for the owner of vespa. I said it was me. He kindly asked me to come out. Ok, I have to admit that scientists intimidate me. So I was scared to death. He said to take my key and come out. When I stepped out, there were some 3-4 scientists surrounding my girl, looking at her from every angle possible, touching her as if she was some amusing thing. I controlled my laughter. They told me to start the vehicle and to show them the storage area and a bunch of other questions. One of them even commented "You can keep milk packets and that is important" Haha. Seriously...it was funny seeing people, who have numerous publications in renowned journals and were reputed scientists, behaving like a kitten who found a ball of wool :D. I came to be known as the girl with the fluorescent vespa instead of my name, throughout my institute.

-Once when I stopped at the traffic signal a bunch of police officers were pointing a me. I got scared. All the people were looking at me as if i had done some crime. One of the officers walks over to me and asks "how much is it on road?" Lol. For a second I was confused as I was trying to understand what he meant. Not only police officers, but I have had a lot of people on their own rides asking me how much it cost and the varying details about her. Hehe. Nowadays my girl gets all the attention. Gone are the days when people used to look at me!!! They look at my vespa instead!!!!!!!!! Haha. But its all good :)
-Whenever I go out with my babe, my dad asks me a series of questions like "what will you do when you see a gutter suddenly in front of you?" or "what would you do when dogs jump in front of your bike?" and the likes of it. I dutifully give him all the answers and listen to him lecture about safety because I know that it relieves him. At least now he knows that an informed driver is going to ride the bike. Lol I am sure my dad wont think that when he sees me riding :P.  

Like my friend told me, I must live up to the standards of my girl ;)

Dolphins

The sun was kissing the sea good night for the day, the sky with a bright orange tinge of the setting sun. Somehow, Izzy felt the whole universe was mimicking her mood. The bright sunny days that once used to colour her whole life was turning into darkness like the night. The flaming sky and the pitch black night were all metaphors of her life at this point.

Izzy was walking down the stretch of beach she was so familiar with. The cool evening breeze swept a strand of hair back from her face as she stopped to take in the whole view of the setting sun. The sand between her toes and under her feet, the smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing, it all brought back memories in her mind that she wanted to hold on to so badly. But what she wanted to see more than anything was the dolphins that on rare occasions jump out of the water. Those dolphins symbolized the part of her past she so desperately wanted to remember.

The last time Izzy was here, he was with her. It was a warm January evening. He had taken her out on a romantic evening in the beach. They walked along the beach hand in hand, talking and laughing about trivial things. They walked for half an hour until they reached a rocky part of the beach with a beautiful view of the untamed sea. They sat down on the beach. Izzy rested her head on his shoulder and he put an arm around her, protecting her. She didn’t know why, but she always felt safe with him by her side. For a moment she didn’t speak anything. She enjoyed the serenity of the sea coupled with the rhythmic sound of him breathing. She suddenly looked up into his eyes; they were warm and filled with love for her. At that moment she knew she loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

Izzy wanted to tell everything about her life to him. She wanted him to know every fiber of her being. But she was afraid. What if he did not like her after she opened up to him? She looked into his eyes again, to those beautiful eyes and she knew that it was a risk she was willing to take. She talked about her downfalls and the things life taught her, her complexes, her dislikes, her likes, the people who meant the world to her and she cried in front of him. It was a magical feeling. She felt lighter in her mind with all the pent up emotions spilled out. But there was a sense of fear in her mind of loosing him. He smiled down at her and said “I Love you Isabel John. Thank you for trusting in me and sharing this with me. It means a lot to me. This makes me feel that I am an important part of your life. “ Izzy brightened up and hugged him and whispered “I Love you too” into his ears. He opened up to her as well. He told her every little detail about his life. After he was done talking, they just stared out into the azure sea and the setting sun and silently took it all in, his arms still around her and her head comfortable on his shoulders. Suddenly, a pair of dolphins surfaced from the sea. Jumping and bobbing around in the water. Izzy saw them first and pointed it out to him. They watched with awe together as the two dolphins splashed around in the water and after a few seconds, disappeared. Izzy was excitedly jumping on her seats and said “It’s the first time in my life I am seeing a dolphin. I never had the luck to see them.” And he said “even I have never seen dolphins before. But today, with you by my side, I am witnessing this beautiful scene which will be etched into my mind.” She smiled and she knew that it was a special sign, a sign from the Almighty. She felt as if she had his blessing with her. She wanted to freeze that moment forever if she could. That day was the beginning of a new chapter in her life. She knew that somehow, he was meant to be in her life. And all the events that transpired that day were proof enough for her- her miracle.

Now, two years later, she is standing in the beach, alone and reminiscing about the past. She couldn’t stop the drop of tear that rolled down her cheeks. Izzy thought about the cruel irony of her situation. She grew up thinking every story had its happy ending and hers was just around the corner. But she never fathomed he would be gone from her. The whole universe seemed to laugh at her for her naïveté. She had enough of everyone telling her to move on. No one could understand the pain she was going through, the pain of losing someone, knowing that they were never coming back. She needed to get away from all that. So she came here, to the place where it all happened. She somehow felt that if she saw the dolphins again, it would mean that everything was going to be ok. She walked to the same spot as before and sat down on the rocks and stared out into the sea, but the dolphins never came. Her heart felt heavy and her throat felt gagged as she realized that she needed to let go of him. She said a silent prayer for him and smiled at the sea. She knew he was going to be ok; she prayed that he be ok..wherever he was. And then Izzy turned around and walked away, hopeful still… for her miracle.

What Izzy didn't notice when she turned around were two dolphins, jumping up from the water, and popping back in with a splash...

Note - My second attempt at writing a story. All the characters and events are fictional and any resemblances to real life event is purely coincidental :)...LOL I always wanted to say that :D

Me...a Teacher :)

When I was a little girl, I used to role play as a teacher. It followed the same routine every time. I used to break a stick from our guava tree in the yard and use it as a cane. I draped myself in an old saree of my mother's. I played outside in the cement pavement of my home and used to hit the cement floor hard with my cane pretending them to be students who failed to do their home works. LOL. I swear sometimes the cane broke and splinters flew from it due to the impact of me hitting. Had the cane or the cement floor been an actual person, I would be charged for brutality!!!!

Now, years later, I got posted as a guest lecturer in a college. Never in my dream, had I thought I would become a teacher one day. I wanted to be many things while growing up... an FBI agent (due to intensive watching of real life crime programs on discovery channel), a Fashion designer (due to all the clothes I stitched for my Barbie :P), a zoo keeper (not the Indian one that throws the food into the cage without any care for the animal, but rather the American type that feed the chimpanzees with a feeding bottle and that play around the dolphin!!!!) etc. But never in my life had I thought I would be a TEACHER! Sure my mom wanted me to be a teacher and also my grandmother, who was a teacher also wanted me to follow her footsteps. But personally I was not interested to teach. Its funny how God leads you to places you never thought you will be. That is what happened to me exactly. I realized that I LOVE TEACHING!!

Even though my post is a temporary one, for that short span of time, I realized that I wanted to be a teacher for the rest of my life. Something about interacting with the students and imparting knowledge to them is a satisfying feeling. The job can never be boring for me (like those of IT people!!! Damn how do they sit staring at the computer creating programs all day long!!! That is not my field!!!).

There are a lot of things that I experienced for the first time. I am still getting used to the "teacher/Ma'am" call from students. I got my very own name board and bench (and I have decided to take the name board with me when I leave...I know your are thinking I am stealing but Its not stealing when my name is already on it!!!! DUH! :p). I realized that when we were students and we used to cheat on internal exams..the teachers saw everything but chose to be silent :O.. haha (it doesnt mean that I cheated on the exams OK!! :P). I have a new found respect and admiration for all my teachers now. I never understood the trouble they went through to teach us.

My time in the college is almost coming to an end. I will cherish the memories the students and staff gave me. They all were ONE of a kind!! Truly! I hope that I will be missed by them and that I have been successful in my task as a teacher. I know I will surely miss each and everyone of them. I thank God for giving me a wonderful opportunity to come to terms with what I wanted to become in the future. I hope I succeed in achieving the same :).

Garden glories ;)

I love the colour contrast in the above and below picture...juts beatiful!

Oh this beauty would not spread its wings for me to take a picture. This is the best picture I could get of it. Its wings were a gorgeous yellow and black strips.
Out of my persistence, my dad put up a water lily pond for me. Something about water lily reminds me of my childhood and the song my dad used to make me sing (alli ambal...). This is the very first bloom.
After a heavy rain this unfortunate beetle got drenched and found its resting place in my rose bush. But look at its iridescent colour! Truly mother nature is wonderful.
This one was a bit difficult to take a picture of. It kept flying away when I approached. But finally got a click ;).
This is one of my favorites..simply because the colour of the butterfly perfectly goes with the white daisy flowers.

Sunlight between the palm leaves..pretty!
The pebbled pathway of our garden.

Red rose...my favorite...it is at its initial stages of blooming :)

Choices

Recently, I just remembered a beautiful story that I heard in a sermon in church one Sunday. It was about two boys whose father was a drunkard. Every night their father would come all drunk and mercilessly hit their mother while they bore witness to all these. The father spent every last penny of savings they had to buy alcohol. The family was going through a rough time. When the boys grew up, they got jobs. The elder one, like his father was a heavy drinker. But the younger one was a teetotaler. The priest who was actually telling this story, once visited their house for religious purposes. The elder one, intoxicated by alcohol, was present and so was the younger one. The father asked to them, why they had two different attitude towards alcohol. The young one promptly replied, my father was a drunkard and used to beat my mother in front of us. I learnt from him and swore to not be like him. While the Elder one said, my father was a drunkard and seeing him beat my mother like that made me so upset that I turned to alcohol for comfort. With God's grace, at least one child came out right.

This story exemplifies how we choose our own path - either we can choose good or we can choose bad. You can never move forward, if you blame other or the curbing environment where we live in. We make our own choices. We can can learn from the mistake of others and avoid the same. But most times, we just forget all that and blame the world for our misfortunes, when we clearly welcomed it with open arms. What I am trying to tell is this - we always have a choice - and it is out decision to choose the correct path. :)

Anyway, this story was running through my head and made me Philosophize :). Hope anyone finds it useful...including me :)

Baking fiesta :)

Lately I have been having an urge to become a good cook :). So I have been experimenting in the kitchen a lot. Today I tried my hand in baking. I was inspired by this amazing chef, Rachel Allen that I saw in the Travel and Living channel. I jotted down some of her recipes in my "recipe book" and made a list of all the ingredients I needed to buy. I was going to make chocolate cake with chocolate icing :). Baking is quiet simple. You just have to weigh out the correct amount of flour, sugar, butter and eggs, beat them in a bowl and set it in an oven and let it do its magic. The part which excites me most is to see the cake rise up and the aroma of it wafting through the air.

The cake was yummy and delicious. Am happy with myself and my first attempt at baking. Cannot wait to try out more recipes :)

Tales of Ear piercing :)

Last weekend, I got my ear pierced and so now, I have a second stud in my ears :). It was not a spontaneous and impulsive decision. I had been contemplating about it for over a month. What was difficult for me was to convince my parents to let me pierce it. It was a meticulously planned process wherein I bought my self a magnetic second stud, wore it for a couple of days and got people actually complimenting me on how it looked good and finally made my parents agree that it looked good. Then I had my cousin sister, who had formerly pierced her ears, talk to my mom about it for me. And finally, I got the green signal from my parents!!! Yey!!!

Then I myself fixed a date and went to Bhima jewelry, with my mom, to get a thattan to pierce my ears for me. I was shockingly brave up to the point where I was sitting on a chair ready to get my ear pierced. The trigger for my nervousness and tension was when I saw the thattan heat the small needle in flame and it become a red hot metal. He marked my ears and then sprayed volini to numb my ear lobes. I was tapping my feet nervously on the ground and looking at my mom sideways for encouragement. When he approached me with the needle and the earring I suddenly folded my hands and pleaded to him "Aiyo venda please venda!!" meaning oh please don't! LOL, everyone sitting in the room started to laugh at me. I was flushed and embarrassed and then summing up all my courage, sat through the whole painful process of getting my ears pierced. I swear I could hear my ear lobes cursing me.

After that, my mom was telling me about how I kept complaining that a guy ran a needle through my ears, for the first time, when I was a little girl. She said nothing has changed much since then!! LOL. But in my defense, I'm really scared of needles!!!! Now it is over a week and I can truly say, it was all worth it :).

Tricks to prevent the idle mind

There is a point in everyone's life, when one has nothing to do but have a lot of time for oneself. Some find it post retirement, some while stuck between jobs, some while wasting away an year preparing for some test and some like me clueless about what career path to take next. After my under graduate studies, I thought I would take a break and prepare for MBA or something of that sort. That is when CUSAT happened and I wasn't idle for long. But now that I finished my graduate studies, I am at a place in my life where I am forced to choose between two contrasting paths - career (PhD) or marriage (IAS- Indian Adukala Service). Naturally my parents want to see me settled and the thought that if and when I get a Phd, it would take 5 year tops for completing it, scares them. But I don't want to get settled now, not for at least 2 years. I want some "ME" time, where I can concentrate on my future and what is best for me. I am not being selfish, not at all. I would like to think that I am the generation that represents broad mindedness. And I am one of "THOSE" women who think that Phd after marriage will be hell.

Hmmm so this is where my idle mind come to play. You know what they say about the "idle mind being a devil's workshop". That is nothing short of the truth. When I have nothing to do, my mind cooks up things and keep pondering about the past, thinking "what if" and all. It makes me over emotional and sensitive and paranoid. I become needy and dependent. Now, that is not something that I am proud of but that is the fact.

So I try to keep myself occupied with something to prevent my mind from doing re-runs of my past or making me anxious about my future. Some of the things that I found helpful were :

• Watch your favorite movie and serial alone or with you family. I normally watch old Malayalam movie with my parents and i have my healthy dose of laughter daily. I watch my favorite episodes of How I met your mother in my laptop.
• Experiment on cooking. I love to try new recipes that I get off the internet. It is a fun way to keep your mind occupied.
• Do a bit of gardening. I love gardening with my parents. We have a small area where we have planted some vegetable like lady finger, tomatoes, egg plant and chilly. It the best feeling when you reap your harvest.
• Have some quality time with your family and friends. Call and meet up your friends. Talking about the old times is fun.
• Find time for your favorite hobby. I love to paint. I try and do some creative works once in a while. Even though I am not a good artist, I enjoy spending time for it.
• Go for some classes like coaching classes or craft class or even driving lessons. I joined a coaching class for GRE. Met a lot of new people there and I look forward to those classes.
• Get a pet. That is guaranteed to keep your mind occupied. I love to own a pet dog but sadly none of my family members approve of it. The best they could get me were fishes!! But still, I love watching them move around the fish tank like a blur of colours in water.

Now everyone has different ways of keeping their minds occupied. These have helped me out. Always keep this in mind, don't ever let your mind become idle!!

My grandmother

On February 10th 2011, my paternal grandmother died due to month long illness. I had gone to visit her two week before her death from Lucknow. She was very weak and frail. a complete opposite of what she used to be. A strong, empowering, independent woman she was when she was young. But when I saw her in the hospital bed, lying with the catheter and ventilator in her mouth, I just fell apart. I tried my best not to cry in front of her and bravely put up a smiling face. She lifted up her fragile hands and caught mine and asked if I was studying well. I replied with a happy smile saying yes, I am.

All of my Ammama's sons and daughter had come to see her during that time knowing her condition was critical. We were there for a span of one week. I couldn't extend it any longer as my project was going on.

As she saw everyone, Ammama was getting a little better everyday. My days revolved around her, taking shift at staying at the hospital, buying anything that was needed, looking after everything back home when I was not in the hospital, Buying roses for Ammama as she loved them etc. She always asked where I was when I was not at the hospital. Seeing everyone, she wanted to go back home desperately. Every time the doctor came she asked him, if she could go home. Seeing it was her only wish and she was getting a bit better than before, the doctors agreed to let her go home, but there was a need for a home nurse and 24 hrs ventilator. As long as she was home she didn't care about the rest of the things.

It was the day that she was brought back home that we had to go to Kochi for our flight back to Lucknow the next day. As I was anticipating her arrival, I put up a new bunch of red roses in her room to cheer her up. As the ambulance pulled over the driveway of the house, I was happy to see her, yet regretting the thought of having to say goodbye to her the moment she arrived home. When she was finally brought to her room, we all did our best to make her feel comfortable. I pulled up a chair and sat next to her and showed her the roses and talked to her. She smelled the roses and was happy.

Then it was time for the inevitable task of saying goodbye to her. My amma broke it to her gently. All she said was, now who is going to take care of me? I fell apart and started crying, But before I faced her, I wiped away my tears. Though my watery eyes betrayed me and I started crying again. I saw a single drop of tear come out from her eyes, I wiped it off. She was much more brave than I was. I gave her a kiss on her forehead and she held my hand and gave me a gently but firm squeeze to my hand. Everything was conveyed in that gesture. How much she loved and cared for me. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing ever.

After coming back to Lucknow, my parents constantly inquired with my aunts about Ammama's health. It was getting better. But suddenly, two weeks later, she had a peaceful death in her sleep. It was too soon....I never thought her time was this close. I thought she had a lot more life to live in her. But this is how it is...People who come to this earth will have to go back someday. The cycle of life....

I would always regret not giving her as much time as I would have loved to. I would regret not being there for her when she needed me. I would regret making her upset at some point in my life. I would just regret not loving her too much.... But I know her and she has forgiven me for all that long back.

I look back and remember how she used to feed me with her hands when i was young. I would only eat from her hand, listening to the same old story about the cock and the monkey. She would make small rice balls and put it into my mouth. I remember how when I came on rare weekend from college to TVM, she would give me her warm hug and would have made the maid prepare all of my favorite dishes. I miss her terribly...

She was the thread holding all the family together...now that the thread is gone...the family is also torn apart....

Recently when I opened up my old dairy, I found a birthday card that I got from her in 2009. That was the last card she sent me. In that she had written, how much she loved me and cared for me and wanted me to study well. It was as if a message for me from her..as if she was trying to tell me everything was going to be OK. I was suddenly filled with emotions.

I am just happy that I saw her before she died. I pray for her everyday. I know she is looking after us from beyond. Always show the love you have for your loved ones...never refrain from it, so that you will never regret anything when they are gone.

Tales of this city

It has been over 3 months since I came to Lucknow for my project. It has not been the best of three months for me. I had to face a lot of hardships since December. So far 2011 is not turning out to be my best year. But optimistic as I always try to be, I know that things will get better. Everybody has their ups and downs...right now I am on my downs!!

Now back to this city!!! As always, when a North Indian sees a South Indian, they have this contemptuous smile on their face, which I so wanna wipe off. I am not being an anti North Indian or anything, but neither am I a big fan of them!!! Ah well, you get used to that contempt in a little while. The one plus point of me coming to U.P is that I actually learnt a lot of Hindi and people here find my Hindi bearable!!! Yey!! :)

Working as a project trainee in CDRI has been an experience, both good and bad. I find my instructor extremely bossy at times which makes me cry, literally!!!!! One thing I hate is being pushed over. Tell me something nicely and friendly, i would be happy to do it for you!! But again, you get used to it. Seniors boss around their juniors, that has been the pattern everywhere!!!

I am the quiet one in my lab. There is this communication gap for me. Even though I speak Hindi alright, I find it hard to understand the others speak. They speak so fast and their slang is different, that halfway through I loose track of what they say. So I normally don't have anything to contribute to the lively debate/conversation. *sigh*.

You know, when you are a South Indian amidst the Northies, you stand out. I have had a lot of people come up to me and ask me if I was a malayalee/bengali. Apparently Bengalis have similar features as us. But because of this, I also have had a couple of Malayalees come up to me and talk with me. When that happens, I get so excited and jabber on loud in Malayalam!!! Oh what a relief from all the non stop HINDI!!! :P

Lucknow is becoming the crime capitol of the nation. It is not very safe place at all. Take the newspaper and all you see are stories about murder and rape, like the London in the 1800s! People have no value of each others lives here! And what more you get local guns here in Lucknow that don't need any license. I read some really silly reasons over killing people, like a girl shot because she said no to a guy who was trying to woo her, or like 10th standard boys fighting over a cricket match, fight got out of control, boy ends up dead!!! Jesus Christ. These are just the tip of the ice berg. The roots lie within the corrupt government. That is a topic i would rather not touch!

And the road in Lucknow are beautifully tarred ones without a single pot hole like we find at MG road, Kochi! But what is the use, the people that drive car here follow no rules!!! I'd rather prefer the road of kochi to this horrible place. I have been almost hit several times. Now back at home, I would scream at that guy. But frankly, here, even I am scared that I might get shot at!!!! But luckily I am staying with my parents. What more could I ask for?

Now just barely one more month and I will be back home. You know, one truly appreciates the place where one comes from only when you are far away from that.

I miss Kochi, I miss being silly around my friends, being myself, I miss the vada, the ghee roast, most of all, I miss the people that I love the most!!! Going back home and seeing all of those particular people, would make the four months that I spent here worthwhile. So here is to getting back home...CHEERS!!!! :)

Silver Lining

Heart break is one of the worst kinds of pain one has to face in life. It can not only be because of breaking up with a loved one...but it can be because of loosing your trust in someone you considered as your best friends, death of someone you love, watching your life fall apart one bye one and knowing that you can do nothing about it, etc. Whatever the cause may be, it is painful physically and mentally. Whoever said that your heart was breaking into a million pieces when you are in a heart break was right!!!

What does one do when in such a condition?? Different people have different ways to overcome a heart break. I normally cry it out filmy style. Then I listen to mellow music or watch my favorite series 'How I met your mother" on my laptop. Then i think of this one saying that my grandmother told me..."Everything happen, happens for a reason". And its true. God has greater plans for us, plans that we can't even imagine. You might be sad right now but those tears will soon dry away and pave way for happiness. Every cloud has a silver lining. You just have to be optimistic about the sun coming out from the clouds. That silver lining of hope is what drives me through.

So be optimistic!!!

From exam to driving drama!!!!

My 3rd semester is over and I am back home sweet home :). I donno how the hell i managed to come back home yesterday. It was my last exam yesterday. So as always during the exam times...I am stressed out and I don't sleep all to well. After the exam the events were all a blur. My stomach was grumbling as I hadn't eaten anything and since it was our last time together, all my classmates and I decided to have lunch together. By the time everyone gathered together it was already 3 and i had a train to catch at 5.25!!!! We all said our teary goodbye and I ran (not practically...but I took an auto...I know...no need to give me a "Oh she didn't take an auto all the way till the railway station" look..coz I DID!!!!!) for my train. After I reached the station I was exhausted from the lack of sleep and hypoglycemia(yea I know I just ate lunch but still I was damn hungry)!!!! The train was half an hour late and I had to stand there the whole while!!!! After I got into the train I slept for a good half an hour but my sleep was disturbed when a guy came and sat next to me and took of his shoes!!! GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it STUNK sooooo BADLY!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God I got the window seat...I was practically gasping for air. And after 3 painful hours I reached my hometown only to see it was raining so badly and I didnt have an umbrella. Even my caretaker who came to pick me up forgot to take an umbrella!!! Jeeessss could my day get any worse. So at 10 in the night I was drenched in the rain waiting for an auto driver to show some mercy and get me home!!!!!!!! after what seemed like 10 mins an auto driver stopped. I was freezing and today when I woke up....ACHOOOO!!!!! I got cold :(

Well even if I was having a cold I decided I would go out and shop for groceries. And I thought since i had a license and our car was rusting away in the garage I would drive there; When I presented this idea to my grandma..she was like oh well take kiran (my cousin) with you...and ask amma...and I called amma up. This is how the conversation went:-

Me - yea amma, I am going out grocery shopping and I am taking the care with me.

Amma (laughing) - yea right!!!

Me - No I am serious. Why cant i take the car out. I have got a license for god sake!!!

Amma - Ammama won't allow ( with confidence)

Me - Haha!!! Ammama said I can go!!!! And I will take kiran with me

Amma - (surprised) Oh......Oh.....Oh...........Well then i guess u better be careful!!!!

And that was that. I was taking the car out. I must give it to kiran for being the dare devil to come a ride with me. When i sat down in the car..i kinda forgot what i was supposed to do. I called kiran up and asked him. He was also out of touch with driving. We both started discussing all the essential point and in 2 minutes I was up and ready to go...or so i thought!!! It took me like 5 failed attempt to take a reverse and get the car out into the road...by which point all the angry drivers were honking their horns furiously at me. In my defense their honking made me nervous and that is what lead me to my failed attempt. After the first 10 mins...i FINALLY managed to get the car out on to the road. and from there it was a smooth drive...or so i thought!!!! I was sooo damn scared and kiran kept saying if ever you hit a car...make sure you hit it towards your side...i still wanna live!!! Oh kiri!!!! i kept driving in the second gear and because of my speed it took me like 3 traffic signals to pass a crossing (in my defense the signal time was only 15 seconds....how the hell do you expect to me cross in 15 seconds!!). after that kiran asked me to shift to 3rd gear...i told him noo it is hard to shift back to 2nd gear and i will get all confused!! so he told me stamp on the clutch and he changed the gear for me like twice lol!!! Thank god my fellow drivers had patience with me!! But I still managed to drive to different locations and successfully park and then come back alive in one piece. When i returned my grandma was relieved!! lol...it was funny. Phew now that is over... will i drive again??? I doubt it!!!

Irony, Irony...

I find that I can easily express the way I feel through writing. I put my thoughts together and just write it down and a sense of relief washes over me. But the same thought if I try to put in word, before I write it down, comes all wrong and sounds odd to me itself. Now the irony is that I am not able to write anything down as I tell myself that I have no time. I usually keep a journal for myself (not like your everyday what I did journal, but the occasional, random thoughts journal!!!). But now my pages in my journal are over and I dont have the time to go buy one (or so I tell myself!!! I cant believe I am too lazy to go down over to the store and buy one...its just a 5 mins walk!!). And so whenever I want to express myself I am stuck because I cannot write it down!!!!!! Now I dont wanna write it down in some book or pages for the fear thta someone might read it ( even though it is not an everyday journal its too special for me).

And when I sit down to write a blog, half way through I get stuck and I tend to save all of them as drafts. It is such an irony that the one thing that gives me solace and helps me express myself, my writing, am not able to commit myslef to it as much as I would like to. Hmmmm.

Now I am goin INSANE!!!!!!!!!!! Argghhhhhhhh!!!

In your shoes

Its sad that sometimes we are not able to see that a person is hurting because all the time all that person does is to make it hard for us to like them. Sometimes the things they do just make us irritate and think to ourselves that they are being selfish. But we fail to see what might cause them to be this way. And we just think that they were born to be like this...born to make our lives miserable!
I experienced such a situation recently. I never liked that particular person too much to be good friends with him/her. He/she never seemed approachable. But only later did i come to know what was taunting him/her life. I started to see things their way. I always try to put myself in their shoe and try to feel how they are feeling. It gives me a clearer perspective on what that person is going through.
Now i feel sympathy for that person. Every action that he/she is showing is a result of his/her emotional stress, their need for a company, to not be left alone by everyone. Even though I might not understand how they feel completely, I can say I understand. I'll try and be more understanding. This I promise to myself.

Sad sad puppy :(

Well well well...look who is back...its ME!!!! Hehehe. Well not for long though. I came home day before yesterday and am leaving tonight..back to CUSAT. Now let me tell you about CUSAT!!!!

Everyone things its such a great place to get an education for master. And yea they are right. But they forget one thing..that it cuts you off from the rest of the world. Atleast for me it did. First day when i got into CUSAt...i was very happy. I couldnt believe that finally i would be studying in a prestigious institute. Little did i know the monster lurking in its corridors...grabbing hold of all you freedom and fun.

I am studying for biotechnology over there. Frankly...its a subject that i like. But unfortunately you dont have a single job opportunity with doing a PhD in a specific field. Its a common misconception. Just because the word 'biotechnology' sounds fancy and new doesnt mean that u will get a job right way in this field ( and i am talking to those career oriented people...like me..not the research oriented ones...who actually have a great chance to do well in this field). So i was a little upset because people who really knew about this course had warned me against it. And i didnt heed their warning and now i regret it. The teachers ( who are a little too much to handle...maybe because they all have Phd's and have gone crazy due to intensive research) arent even supportive of you. They just bluntly layed down the fact that the course we are studying is just useless!!! ERRRR...i know its true...but truth hurts ok!!!!!

And people in my class ( all girls inspite of our course being mixed) are too intellectual. Like i said...they are all research oriented. I am the least intellectual of them all. My IQ is as good as a hamsters!! They are all such book worms and its kinda scary for me. I naturally dont fit in. There is not a single soul there whom i can relate to and have fun with. But yea...all of them are friendly...but we all live in different levels...i donno if u understood or not. I am too homesick there. My schedule is too hectic. I am there in the department atleast 10 hours a day. I am not cut out for such a kind of work. But some how i must manage it. There is a famous qoute that say "I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it ". I guess that is what i am going to do.

I imagine myself...2 years from now...I have lost all my senses and i live in an alternate reality..more like a shizhophrenic. The scanty hair in my head even more scantier due to the stress...dark circles below my eyes. My face looking gaunt and tired. I have lost all the youthfulness in me.Somehow I look much older than my age. I no longer know how to have fun. I find my self lost in thoughts...... Yea yea i know i exaggerated...but i can help myself imagining like that. Who knows...maybe eevrything will turn out for the good...or maybe not. Hmm but going back tonight...i cant imagine about that...oh nooooo :((((((((

Updates!!!!!

Picture:- well that is not my house...but whose ever it is...its beautiful...i just posted this pic to show you the combination colour i was talking about. Well now i am hoping it will all turn out like this one over here in the end!!! Cheers!!!!!



I just thought I would update you( the ghost who is reading it...coz no one does!!!!!) on what I am upto these day. Last week i wrote my Cusat entrance( its for joining the masters program). I swore that i wouldnt study anything for it since i knew i wouldnt get it anyway. So when i was sitting with the question paper in my hand...i was cursing myself for not even looking at the text book. All were basic question and i could have gotten in...had i known they were gonna be this simple...oh damn u Girl! And tomorrow am going to write another test...and again i havent studied anything so that i can curse myself when i am in the exam hall(sigh).

My driving has improved quiet a lot. Yesterday i took out our car for a short...very short ride. And i am impressed that i didnt hit any rear view mirrors this time (yes...it has happened before!!). But i do get nervous when i see any buses or lorry or as a matter of fact dogs even! I cant help it.

I have been trying to convince dad to get me a dog but in vain hmnmm. Well i am not gonna give up just yet. I want a dog and i want it now!!!!!!!!! heheh

I saw the colourof my room. Its like this modern theme...you give one wall...the highlighting wall a dark colour and the rest of the three wall you give a lighter colour. Well my highlighting wall looks as if someone just pour a bucket of blood onto it....yep thats right..its the blood red....and apparently its called rouge something something !! and the other walls are a lighter shade of brown...i think. Lol I dont remember quiet well cause i was in the shock of seeing the colour red and how it turned out. Well i was the one who selected it...it was a bold choice...and i stick by it!!!!(since i have no other option!). Lol but seriously once it is done am sure it will look good.


Well apart from all this i am just sitting at home killing flies! hoping all you ghosts are having a better time than i am. Have a happy weekend. TC

My Chandragiri :)

Picture-This was a Buddhist monastry near our school. I dont ahve any scanner else I would have uploaded a few pictures from our childhood. But this is as closest that reminded me of Chadragiri as I could find from the net.



Today while sitting in the driving school waiting for my turn in the scooty, I drifted off to the time when my parents, brother and I were in Orissa. I thought about all the fun days we had there. We were young, careless, irresponsible, brimming with excitement and just so full of life. So I decided that I should write a blog about my time in Orissa.



I was about 6 or 7 when my father got transferred to a rural village, Chandragiri, in Orissa. You know a child's mind is full of great imaginations and creativity. A child that I was, I thought Orissa meant a huge vegetable stand in the middle of a neatly tarred road. I dont know how i got that vision but I still remember it clearly. I can say Orissa was nothing like that. It was a big change for our family since it was going to be our first time in North India.



I dont remember much of how we got there. I just know that it was our first flight trip and 5 hours later we were in a place called Bhubaneshwar. from there we caught a traing to Berhampur. I was really disgusted with that place. I hated it already. It was raining and the roads were so muddy. There were cows everywhere. the image of the muddy road and cow dung everywhere was not a good first impression. But Berhampur wasnt our destination.



A 4 hours drive from there, along the winding roads of Taptapani and between the mountain ranges, we reached the small village called Chandragiri. Our house in Chandragiri was a small house adjoining another house. In the next house lived the Mahji uncle, his wife and Asha and Anu. I used to ask Mahji uncle wife for dried mango pickles always. She was a woonderful person. After them, Kuni, Swini and Bapu came and lived there. Behind our house there was a beautiful view of the hills surrounding us. Chadragiri was a hill station.



My dad worked in a bank there. My father, being the manager of the only bank in that village made our family kind of a celebrity. As far as i remember, I dont thing we ever had any trouble in communicating with the other. My dad used to say that we knew quiet a bit of oriya aswell. But we mostly communicated in hindi and english. There were a lot of kids around the neighbourhood. Asha, Anu, Happy, Bunty, Mani Bhushan, Shweta, Bunty, Swini, Kuni, Bapu are some of the names that i remember. And it was nice to see then after 10 long years via Orkut. Every evening my brother and i used to take our bikes and roam around. My brother, Rohan, used to play cricket with the boys. I dont remember what I used to do. But it was always fun.



We joined in the Central school for Tibetans. Majority of the population in that village were Tibetans who fled from Tibet. So naturally our school had many Tibetan kids and about 11 Indian kids. Since there were very no Indians in my grade, it was decided that I skip a grade and join with Rohan, whose class had all the Indian. The school had a picturesque background. It was located on a hill top. There were corn fields behind our school. But Rohan and I felt like complete strangers. Asha and Anu went to school with us. It was a fun experience. One of my dad's co workers used to pick us all up by a bicycle. The rides were very thrilling, where we went up and down small hills surronded by dense forest.


Asha was elder to us. She was a good story teller. Our school is located nearly 5 to 6 Km from our house. On the way there are many huge banyan trees. Asha used to tell us that ghosts resided those tree. So whenever we pass them we have to cover our mouth to prevent them from entering our body. And gullible children we were, we blindly believed her. I remember once that when i fought with Asha, I refused to listen to her. So when the banyan tree neared I didnt cover my mouth until the last moment, when fear grasped me. LOL. She used to tell us that a crazy woman called Rangopathy lived near our school. She was an evil woman. And she showed us a woman who lived in a tattered hut made up of blankets. Once that woman even followed us to school. Frankly, we were scared to death trying to avoid her. But she was always there roght in front of us whenever we took a detour!! That was kind of scary.

Another story of Asha was about family next door to our house. They were kind of creepy. Asha used to say they did black magic. So we never spoke to them or acknowleged them. Once my dad and Mahji uncle was invited to attend their childs marriage. I remember Asha, rohan , Anu(her little sister) and me looking out the windown secretly, hoping that they dont poison our fathers.LoL.


Our school life was completely separate from the life in our home. Firstly our school friends were different from the friends at home. They were children of teachers. Kutchu, Vicky, Babu were closest to us. We spoke to them in English mainly. Vicky was the naughty kid, Kutchu the "I'm so great" kid and Babu the quiet one. We were always a single pack, though we had our occasional fights. But it was always fun.

I remember once when Rohan and I were in the staff room getting out notebooks corrected, I heard this sound, like someone was rolling a metal container on the floor. The next thing I knew was the sir's were all yelling "earth quake!!!!! earth quake". And I was lying on the parched grass face down. There was a slight tremor on the earth beneath me. And I bent my heard towards Asha asking what was going on. She just told me to lie down. But i wasnt scared, i was more curious to know what was going on? Why the whole school children were on the floor? It was later only that I knew the depth of what was going on. I saw the cracked walls and floors of our auditorium and I was scared then.

Living in Orissa, we faced a lot of natural calamities. There was a huge cyclone once. But we were in our homes that time. Being ingnorant little children, we just enjoyed the powerful winds blowing and the rain pouring down. What the heck, it got us away from school!!! But then we heard a creaking noise followed by a huge THUD! The next thing you know, the 20 foot high teak tree next to our house was down, just narrowly missing us. It was really our luck. The next day after the cyclone we went out to see what it had done to our village. The forest was almost completely washed out. Many roofs of thatched houses were blown off. But luckily no life was taken.

After school, we came back home and took our bicycles to play with the nieghbourhood kids. My bicycle was handed down to me after Rohan used it. Unlike in our school, we spoke with them in broken Hindi, but we got better later on. Among them Happy was my brothers best friend. Happy was the dare devil of our group. He was so funny. There used to be a milkman names Gouda, who used to tease all the kids. Once when he came to deliver milk, Happy and us decided to deflate his tyre. And we did just that and ran away. LOL. Another time, a snake lying curled in our verandah. Sankes were common in our areas since it lies near the forest. Cobras, crates, vipers, green tree snake etc were some that I have seen there. I dont know whta snake it was that day, lying curled on the ground. But we called our neighbours and they killed it and threw it in the vast empty plot in front of our house. When we told this to Happy, he said that we will go in search of the snake's carcass. And we were all chicken. Happy went alone and he bought back the body of the snake dangling for a stick and chased us with it. We all ran for our lives. Hehehe. It was really funny.

Holi was always the best time of the year. All the children of the nieghbourhood gather round and have a great time throwing coloures water and powder at each other. It was customary for everyone in the village to join in. If someone is reluctant, the people bang the doors of the house till that person comes out, so that they can attack him/her with colours. I remember it was a tedious task to clear our hands and faces afterwards. Diwali was only second best because not many people came around our house during that time. But it was always fun.

Tuna uncle was my dad's co worker in the bank. He was a nice, honest man. he was a local of the same palce, so he knew the place inside out. He used to take us on little trips inside the forest. On one such trip he came back quickly from the forest because he heard the roaring of a bear. I dont know how much it was true, but it was best not to question them, because they know the land better than us. It was not unusual to see wild animals on the road. Foxes, elephant, hyena etc are seen almost regularly at night.

If I want to write about Chadragiri, I could write a whole book. I think we did great justice to our childhood there. We had tonnes of fun, no studying yet full mark ;), and great friends. What more could a kid ask for huh?? Well i just brushed through my memories. yet so many memoreis remain untold. Someday, when I am in the mood to write, I will write down more. But till then good day to u!

License..UH OH!!!!

I got my learners license yesterday. Yipeee!!! And I am far away from getting a drivers license. Like the day before yesterday, I almost hit a chicken!!! I am sure after i am done with driving probably the insurance company, the animal safety unit, the police and a whole lot of people would be after me. Lol. When i went to get my learners yesterday there was a little problem. The address given in my ration card had the house name wrong. They had it "Geethabavan" instead of "Geethvan". And in my license papers i had written Geethavan. So when i went there the police officer said you cannot change the name. He asked me to see another officer inside. I went in. You know the room was AC. And the guy inside it was on the phone. He seemed to me like a big meany. While he was on the phone, i saw the rosary ring on his fingers and i thought hmm, since i had one too in my finger...maybe he would be nice to me. Well whatever it was he wasnt very nice to me. Nor was he very helpful. So after a while he kinda asked me to get out. And i lost all my hope of ever getting a learners. So in the middle of a strange and dusty office, infront of people i didnt even know, i lost it all and i cried. LOL. But in my defense, I didnt even know what to do. Besides its not like everyone saw me. I was decent enough to go to a corner and cry. Heheh. Alas! I changed my house name from Gethavan to Bavan!!! Hmmn. JEEEEEE if getting a learners was so bad for me...i wonder how i will managed to get the license without coming apart. I still ahvent understood fully what the function of a clutch is!!!! Hey But i just started OK!! I will eventually learn. Keeping my fingers crossed Hehehe. Well dont say i warned you..."people stay clear, an amature in on the road".

A dedication to my beloved College!

Yesterday i got my TC from college. Now its official. I have severed all ties from my college. I had grown so accustomed to getting on Jan Shadabdhi (train) and going away to Cochin for college. Now it seems that I will never be travelling that often anymore. When I walked in yesterday, it struck a familiar chord in me. I felt so nostalgic. When i was much younger, my mom used to tell me always "look, here is the college I studied in". It never struck me that important. But i failed to see that it meant something more to her. Now i understand. I have just begun to familiarise myself with all the nooks and crannies of my college and now i am being taken away from that familiar place. When I first joined, all i wanted to do was get out. But now that i am out, i just wanna get back in lol :). So here i will jot down things that i am going to miss about my college and also my hostel ( I will mostly refer the inanimate objects).


1. the Science block of my college. Even though it was just a 5 storeyed building in a confined space and you couldnt call it a college, it was B-E-A-UTIFUL!!!!!!


2. The zoology department on the second floor of the building. A darkly lit corridor, two huge labs, three classrooms, the creepy specimens room with all weird creature from every phyla you could imagine, and the even creepier staff room (lol)...i feel like describing a room in a horror movie or something, now all we need is Frankenstien monster...lol.


3. The "Botanical garden" of our college, more like a small plot of greenery. But still it was pretty.


4. Anugraha Chapel. Peaceful and quiet.


5. Our canteen, which only serves Ulli vada and pazham pori. Also they had some other stuff n best of all Sip up. The canteen was my investment during the first year. It would explain how, even though i was in the hostel, i gained weight :)

6. Blacky, our black cat that gets naughty around girls. Hehehe he is our favourite

7. The Gym Plaza ofcourse!!!!!! that big outdoor auditorium has held so many memories, from throw ball games, to bat minton, to running races and so many more.

8. The mess hall with its Oh So Boring dishes. But what can i say, i love it! The yellow curry, the weird avial, the soapy plates and glasses...lol those were so funny.

9. Sister Annies funny flower arrangements in the chapel. You know sometimes she just plucks some leaves out of the garden and calls is flower arrangement. Jesus Christ, it is so hilarious.

10. My hostel. So many many memories have been made there in the 3 years that i was there.

11. The main block, the Elysium, the Library...which i have used 2 times :)

Well these are most of the things that come to my mind right now ( I just ate a big meal, so dont push it!!!). Well maybe years later, one day while passing by my college i will tell my children " look here kids, this is where your mommy studied" and they would be like "Oh mom, not again!". Hehehe.

Things i Love

I was goin through one of my friends blogs and i loved a blog she wrote about her favorite things. Hers is a well read blog while mine is more like my personal diary in a public place. Lol. She writes pretty well and creatively too. Her style of writitng too is laid back. Well i dont think that i am much of a writer but i love to pen down all my feelings. It kind of relaxes me. So after going through her blog i decided that i would like to do a blog on the things that make me happy. The things that when i see and feel take me to my special place. Well here goes



1. Nature- I love the colour green, the peace and quietness of a green place. The feeling of freshness when you are standing there. A calmness passes through you. It just feels as if you blend into nature. Just close you eyes and listen too a different sounds.

2. The smell of parched earth when rain falls on it for the first time. When the sand rises up, it gives me a nostalgic feeling.

3. My own pesonal space in the garden in my old house, Geethavan. It was amidst all the plants. It was just a rock behind the big Guava tree. But when you go and sit there, no one can see you. It was a good place for me to escape to when i need some alone time and some time to think.

4. When one of my old friends call me after so long and we talk like it were only yesterday when we last met.

5. Writing in my Journal (DD as i call him). It in a wonder how just one book could make me feel better in just a matter of minutes. Writing in it with all mixed emotions give me a great relief. Its as if i am taking the weight of the whole world off my shoulders.

6. Listening to Ronan Keating singing "nothing at all" from the movie Notting hill. P.S watch the movie all u die hard romantics!

7. Buying book from the DC book stores and all the other book stores. I love to collect books. After buying a book it gives me a certain euphoria and i just feel good about it.

8. Reading books in one of my favorite things. I love books that touch my heart like A thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and God of Small Things By Arundhati Roy.

9. Going shopping or even window shopping down the busy streets of Cochin.

10. Spending some quality time with my family and cousins. It so nice to have a get together once in a while. Its so nice to hear all of us gathered round a table and just cracking jokes about the old times and just being nostalgic.

11. The video of Rohan and I when we were in the 6th and 5th grade repectively. Rohan was so young and chubby. He sung the Titanic song with so much passion and emotions( almost like Celien dion sicne his voice was not yet cracked). It such a funny scene coz he also had soemthing to eat in his other hand. And i wasnt bad either. I was an attention seeker. The camera loved me...or rather i loved the camera. heheh

12. The times i had in the hostel. When we made scrambled eggs without the aid of a stove. Lol well we stole eggs from the hostel mess (it wasnt stealing coz we pratically paid for those eggs every month!!!). So correction. We took eggs from the mess. We "borrowed" a candle from the table beneath Mary's statue. And then matches 3 glasses and a plate and parachute oil and salt and chilly powder, we made wonderful scrambled eggs. Hehehe...have some imagination people.

13. The outing we had in the hostle, Feb 14th 2008, Ghajini movie, Cherain beach etc. All the functions we orgnaised together. All the funny moment we enjoyed together. Just thinking about it brings a sad smiel to my face.

14. Hydrebad trip with my collegemates. I got more close with them during that time.

15. Collection of seaweeds with Minu, Shayana, Shabitha and Shilpa. You guys i had the time of my life. It was so fun to take a dip in the remote area of Narakkal beach in the name of collecting seaweeds. Afterwards we went into the house of a local and took a bath there. Its the kind of things you too in Lonely planet lol. It was truly adventurous!!!

16. Our 10ths standard Kodaikanal trip. Wow I truly enjoyed each and every moment of it.

17. The time i spent with my friend SJ after our 12th board exams. All the non sense talk we used to do during class hours. MBAU!!! ehheh phone call studies the day before biology exams. Complaining about you know who. ehhehe

18. The talks that i have with my bro Rohan.

19. Being in LOVE. Knowing that someone means the wolrd to you and you mean the world to someone is a feeling worth fighting for.

20. Looking at our house which is under construction and looking at my room. Makes think about how hard my dad has worked to make his dream come true.

21. The time i won the Best outgoing Student from the hostel. It was a great moment for me. thanks to my dearest Junior Neetha Kutty. I enjoyed each and every moment of it.

22. My college farewell. It was then that i realised what i would be missing.

23. Star gazing during the night. We get a wonderful view from our balcony. Its very amazing to watch lightening from there too.

24. My Ammachi. I just love her soo much. and i love all the things she does for me.

25. Painting!!!!

26. Driving. Even though i have jsut started to learn, i love the feeling of being behind the wheel!

27. Walking through a deserted beach. Feeling the sand and water beneath my feet.

28. Travelling to new places. Discovering new cultures and traditions. The whole experience just makes adrenaline rush through my veins.

29. Pulling others legs :) especially my dad's.

30. My moms and Ammachi's cooking.

31. My teddy bears, Ponies and Barbie dolls. Reminds me of a simpler time :)

32. Tonnes and tonnes of photos of my childhood.

33. The time we had in Orissa.

34. Dancing to the beats of any song.

35. Tears in the eyes of my Ammachi, when i leave. I just love her a lot.

36. Sani and Saranya.

37. The silence of a Church. The conversations i ahve with God. My beliefs.

38. Day dreaming. heheh

39. A smile from someone you care.

40. Dogs...i love em. I just dont have any :( But if i did, their names would be Simba and Simonne

41. Getting compliments. Now who doesnt like that.

42. Seeing the one ring on my finger.

43. Seeing my parents laugh.

44. Playing on the swing. I will always love that.

45. Seeing flowers :)

46. Being around the children of Shishu bhavan. Bhanupriya, i miss you.

47. The smell of roses when you wake up.

48. Seeing the Birthday card that my Ammama gave me in 2009, the last birthday card ever.

49. Remembering that beautiful Sunset on a cold January, in Cherai beach, with a pod of dolphins jumping from the blue sea, and spending it with the best person ever!!

50. Being sung a song to and making you feel that you are the best thing ever :)

51. My best friend Divy...how she always looks after me :)...and how she never gives up on me.

52. My best friend Anoja, who constantly makes me laugh...whom I have so much in common...we basically are travellers in the same boat!!! :P

These are just some of the moments and things that make me happy and brings a smile to my face. Well that is about all. TC guys.

This ever changing world of mine!!

Growing up everything came easy to me. Well i certainly do think so. But i am not that spoilt rich girl who blows up all her daddy's money. I was and still am my daddy little girl. So when i wanted something really bad i pushed n pushed my parents till i got it...well atleast if they thought it was necessary they bought it for me. But i am not that much of a spoilt brat. I am adamant and stubborn and i believe in my own views. Sometimes I find it hard to compromise with others who dont share the same point of view as i do. Well it came as a huge down fall to me. I lost some good friends because of that. Its coz i believe in honesty...and i think that is one of the important virtues for me. If someone breeches my trust ...someone whom i loved and cared for so dearly...i cant still like that person the same way and not think about what happened. Well its not in me to forget...but i do forgive.

So now i am at my best age...atleast that is what i think. And i feel bad that i didnt do my age any justice. I couldnt enjoy the way i wanted to. I missed out on all that these three years in college. Dont get me wrong, but college was awesome and it changed me a lot, am sure about that. But there were so many things i wanted to do and that i couldnt coz i was either chicken or lazy or the opportunity just never came by me. And in the end of the whole 3 years, what friends i made ceased to be what they were to me any longer. It pains me immensely. Hmmm now is there any going back??? i donno. let us wait and watch what happens.

Now am getting older. And i guess i must behave maturely aswell. In 2 or 3 years will be going away from my parents and i have yet to learn a lot about being responsible. My parents would no longer be by my side to satisfy all my whims and fancies. I need to learn to consider about others and their needs without completely giving up on my freedom and my happiness. It is not a compromise i would be making but a necessity from my part. Well to be frank i am a bit scared about what is going to happen in the future. Alas it all written in the pages of a book called my life. And the editor is God alone. So let us see how that book turns out eh?? So far not soo bad eh?? heheh well these were some thoughts that were disturbing me for the past few weeks and i didn't know how to put in into words. well donno if i expressed myself fully but guess this would satisfy me. heheh

The reunion..oops!

One fine day after all my exams were over i received a call from Aswathi ( my old schoolmate...we all used to be in a gang when we were in the 10th). well when i saw her call on my phone i was, frankly speaking, scared. no, not because i have this inferiority complex, but because i thought something might have happened to someone i know ( coz u know she call me like ...hmmnn lets say...NEVER!!!). well i am glad to tell you that nothing like that happened. infact she was calling all the old friends to come to her sisters wedding. i was quiet reluctant coz u know i am never good at meeting the old friends. i just dont fit in u know...i never used to fit it. but hesitantly i agreed coz anitha pushed me. so we both decided to go together to Tvm. n our epic journey began...lol too much melodrama i agree. so we arrived in Tvm...she stayed in my house. next day got ready to go to the wedding. U know i must have told Anu a millions times that "oh god how awkward". heheh and she was also kinda hesitant to go..coz u know its been 3 or 4 years since both of us had any contact with these fellas. and u know the people who are coming there have contacted each other on a regular basis...n us...we haven't contacted anyone else but us!!! hmmm now that was a big problem. so we both decided that we will lie and tell them that we have got a train at 12. 30 PM and so we wont be staying that long!!! the plan seemed really good and believable. so what the heck we both agreed!!

when we reached there we were greeted by the very hyperactive (as usual) ruby. hmnn now if it were lemme say 5 years back we both would have been really good friends....but u know time flies by and before you know it we r not good frnds anymore!!! (sigh). even though she was cheerful n all i felt a cold vibe from her...or was it me...ohh...well all i am saying is that i didnt feel too good. and as time went by more people started arriving...aravind, surya (who gave me this. spine chilling look as if in the movie "i know what you did last summer"" ooo creepy...exaggerating again!!!!!!!!!). and then there dinesh rakesh gautham rahul....arrgh...blast from the past. You know i donno whats wrong with these guys but rakesh n dinesh kept sayin "oh look who this is...blah blah....she doesnt keep contact at all...yada yada yada...n again some more blahs....frankly i felt like kicking them in their shins.....as if i dditn keep contact...they were the one who didnt even try!!!!!!!! arrgh...hmnn n believe me it was toooooooo akward...and Anu felt the same way. we just wanted to get out. hheh and if u forgot...we were in a wedding..n we kinda didnt see any of it...coz it was too crowded inside.

so as cinderella's time was up even before she knew it...so was our. and mind u we didnt even eat the sadya...damn u!!!! and we had to keep up the lie we wove together so intricately...or else it would all be a big shame!!! so we got out at 12....heheh n our hungry stomachs wandered into an ice cream parlour and satisfied themselves. and then anu and i were off to our own homes.

that noon Tia mol gave me a call n said she was in the neighbourhood...n so i ran down (mind u i had my house dress on) to meet. her. while i was waiting for her to come...i became conscious of the glances that i was getting from the people in the road...but i decided to ignore it...but still it kept nagging me in the back...that is when tia mols car arrived. i was sooo glad...n i waited till her car turned the corner n kept waving until that. but u know far away (eyes of an eagle) i spotted a bike stopped n guy arching their heads back to look at me or something else i didnt know. i soon started walking inside...and then after about 7 steps...i heard s call "RESHMA". i turned back an guess who it was..rahul n gautham...oh yea they though i was gone on the 12. 30 train...and it was already 3. 30. oh crap. n then unwillingly i walked towards them...embarrased...n with a million thought circling my mind...oh crap oh crap oh crap...n then another bike came...n dinesh n his friends was in it...could this get any worse???? hmnn n then we talked for like what seemed like the longest 1 min of my life!!!!! and thankfully they didnt ask me anything about the train...even though i guess they figured out by now that i lied. but u know for what it was worth...i dont care what they feel...n they dont care what i feel...so there was noo harm done...just that i was proved a liar....n Anu got herself saved....heheh lol...but wht the heck...i guess it was a good laugh!!!!!!