These are my confessions!

Hmmm its been quiet long since i have blogged!! well actually its been quiet long since i have even entered orkut. one might say i am in some rural area where there is no computer at all. but its all wrong. i was in Cochin itself (yep tas right Mini B'lore) where i was too busy to even check my orkut account. hmmm the truth is that i actually lost interest.

well a lot of things have been happening lately. my classes are over...almost...i just have practicals to go and afteward i am done with college. I got a degree at hand right now hmm! well is that something to be proud of...heck ya!!!! but i dont feel like celebrating. i was the kind of person who kept on saying that i would not miss my college life at all! but it was during the end of third year ( after the excursion to be precise) that i truly started to appreciate the people in my class. they are so nice and friendly and so fun to be with. i regret not getting to know them beforehand. and now class is almost over...and i wont ever be seeing them agian, will i? it just is too unfair...but i guess that is the magic of relationships. it is always at its best at the begining and gradually the magic of the relationship wears off....until if both sides works so much to keep it together. is that what happened with my hostel friends??? i always said that i wouldnt miss my college at all and that i would only miss my hostel. but frankly speaking...at the time of the farewell i cried so much for leaving my collegemates...and how much ever hard i tried i couldnt cry when my friends vacated the hostel....and no one cried when i left the hostel...i left so quietly and swiftly...no one ever knew....not even a soul. and i guess i wanted to go unnoticed aswell. i didnt know how to react if they all cried (which never happened). But how to you keep a relatyionship...any relationship, be it a friend or a lover, a perfect one??? withoput jealousy and possessiveness and with a whole lot of trust...i think there might be a good enough chance of the relationship to become a nearly perfect one. by the end of the year things started going haywire in the hostel. i mean i am the one to be blamed i know!!! one of my roomates ( the one who was a good friend of mine before) and i became very very distant. it was as if a cold war was taking place. we both were very uncomfortable with each other. i really donno what wen wrong where...and i am chicken to ask her the same. i guess we slowly couldnt stand each others behaviours. and to make matters worse jealousy and possessiveness played a very important part in all this. my other roomates is best friends with both of us. so generally i felt a pang of jealousy when she spent more time with her. well i really donno why i worried so much then. i kind of realised that my best friend didnt care that much about me as i did. it always happens to me. also one of my other best friends, i learnt, lied to me in a very serious matter. she and i were so close with each other. she knew a lot about me and vioce versa. and i never imagined she would lie to me. maybe its because of her own insecurities or something, but it hurt me so much to know about that. and slowly i started retreating from everyone and even from the one who loved me. i made it hard for them to stand me. i guess i was, still am building walls around me to keep everyone away from me. well i wish i could change all this. i want my roomate (the one i am having a cold war with) to know that i am really terribly sorry for whatever that i have done to hurt her. yea u must be wondering how i know that i am the one who caused her all the misery. i knew from a source (that i am not proud to brag about) that she has been having problems with me. i think sometimes that i should just sms her and be out with it...but as i said before i am too chicken. and my other roomate...well i wish i would stop being to possessive about you. but u know it because i really care about you. i hurt to know that you have changed a lot with you attitude towards me. someone has come to replace me. but you know i still love you and i will always be your good friend. and my second best friend, i dont hold any grudes against you. circumstances may have made you tell that lie to me. but believe me everyone makes a mistake and no one is perfect. i see past that part of you, the way you do with me, and i accept thar part of you. i like you very much. and i wish you wouldnt be distant with me for all those reasons. u still are the one whom i trust. and one of my other close friends ( i know its very hard to understand which friend is which, but i am purposefully refraining from saying their names. they know who they are and thats all that matters), i am always praying for you. i know everything is going to be alright. you will fair well where ever you are dear. dont be scared. face all the problems in life with a smile in your face. god bless you dear. and the rest of the people in my gang. i know i ahvent been thta close with you. i know u ahve got some other image of me in my mind, but given the chance i would have liked to start over with us. i know i didnt cry openly, but frankly i am cryin silently. i hope all of you reach your destinies and god will always be there to guide you. take care my friends. you all are dearly missed.