Sad sad puppy :(

Well well well...look who is back...its ME!!!! Hehehe. Well not for long though. I came home day before yesterday and am leaving tonight..back to CUSAT. Now let me tell you about CUSAT!!!!

Everyone things its such a great place to get an education for master. And yea they are right. But they forget one thing..that it cuts you off from the rest of the world. Atleast for me it did. First day when i got into CUSAt...i was very happy. I couldnt believe that finally i would be studying in a prestigious institute. Little did i know the monster lurking in its corridors...grabbing hold of all you freedom and fun.

I am studying for biotechnology over there. Frankly...its a subject that i like. But unfortunately you dont have a single job opportunity with doing a PhD in a specific field. Its a common misconception. Just because the word 'biotechnology' sounds fancy and new doesnt mean that u will get a job right way in this field ( and i am talking to those career oriented people...like me..not the research oriented ones...who actually have a great chance to do well in this field). So i was a little upset because people who really knew about this course had warned me against it. And i didnt heed their warning and now i regret it. The teachers ( who are a little too much to handle...maybe because they all have Phd's and have gone crazy due to intensive research) arent even supportive of you. They just bluntly layed down the fact that the course we are studying is just useless!!! ERRRR...i know its true...but truth hurts ok!!!!!

And people in my class ( all girls inspite of our course being mixed) are too intellectual. Like i said...they are all research oriented. I am the least intellectual of them all. My IQ is as good as a hamsters!! They are all such book worms and its kinda scary for me. I naturally dont fit in. There is not a single soul there whom i can relate to and have fun with. But yea...all of them are friendly...but we all live in different levels...i donno if u understood or not. I am too homesick there. My schedule is too hectic. I am there in the department atleast 10 hours a day. I am not cut out for such a kind of work. But some how i must manage it. There is a famous qoute that say "I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it ". I guess that is what i am going to do.

I imagine myself...2 years from now...I have lost all my senses and i live in an alternate reality..more like a shizhophrenic. The scanty hair in my head even more scantier due to the stress...dark circles below my eyes. My face looking gaunt and tired. I have lost all the youthfulness in me.Somehow I look much older than my age. I no longer know how to have fun. I find my self lost in thoughts...... Yea yea i know i exaggerated...but i can help myself imagining like that. Who knows...maybe eevrything will turn out for the good...or maybe not. Hmm but going back tonight...i cant imagine about that...oh nooooo :((((((((

Updates!!!!!

Picture:- well that is not my house...but whose ever it is...its beautiful...i just posted this pic to show you the combination colour i was talking about. Well now i am hoping it will all turn out like this one over here in the end!!! Cheers!!!!!



I just thought I would update you( the ghost who is reading it...coz no one does!!!!!) on what I am upto these day. Last week i wrote my Cusat entrance( its for joining the masters program). I swore that i wouldnt study anything for it since i knew i wouldnt get it anyway. So when i was sitting with the question paper in my hand...i was cursing myself for not even looking at the text book. All were basic question and i could have gotten in...had i known they were gonna be this simple...oh damn u Girl! And tomorrow am going to write another test...and again i havent studied anything so that i can curse myself when i am in the exam hall(sigh).

My driving has improved quiet a lot. Yesterday i took out our car for a short...very short ride. And i am impressed that i didnt hit any rear view mirrors this time (yes...it has happened before!!). But i do get nervous when i see any buses or lorry or as a matter of fact dogs even! I cant help it.

I have been trying to convince dad to get me a dog but in vain hmnmm. Well i am not gonna give up just yet. I want a dog and i want it now!!!!!!!!! heheh

I saw the colourof my room. Its like this modern theme...you give one wall...the highlighting wall a dark colour and the rest of the three wall you give a lighter colour. Well my highlighting wall looks as if someone just pour a bucket of blood onto it....yep thats right..its the blood red....and apparently its called rouge something something !! and the other walls are a lighter shade of brown...i think. Lol I dont remember quiet well cause i was in the shock of seeing the colour red and how it turned out. Well i was the one who selected it...it was a bold choice...and i stick by it!!!!(since i have no other option!). Lol but seriously once it is done am sure it will look good.


Well apart from all this i am just sitting at home killing flies! hoping all you ghosts are having a better time than i am. Have a happy weekend. TC

My Chandragiri :)

Picture-This was a Buddhist monastry near our school. I dont ahve any scanner else I would have uploaded a few pictures from our childhood. But this is as closest that reminded me of Chadragiri as I could find from the net.



Today while sitting in the driving school waiting for my turn in the scooty, I drifted off to the time when my parents, brother and I were in Orissa. I thought about all the fun days we had there. We were young, careless, irresponsible, brimming with excitement and just so full of life. So I decided that I should write a blog about my time in Orissa.



I was about 6 or 7 when my father got transferred to a rural village, Chandragiri, in Orissa. You know a child's mind is full of great imaginations and creativity. A child that I was, I thought Orissa meant a huge vegetable stand in the middle of a neatly tarred road. I dont know how i got that vision but I still remember it clearly. I can say Orissa was nothing like that. It was a big change for our family since it was going to be our first time in North India.



I dont remember much of how we got there. I just know that it was our first flight trip and 5 hours later we were in a place called Bhubaneshwar. from there we caught a traing to Berhampur. I was really disgusted with that place. I hated it already. It was raining and the roads were so muddy. There were cows everywhere. the image of the muddy road and cow dung everywhere was not a good first impression. But Berhampur wasnt our destination.



A 4 hours drive from there, along the winding roads of Taptapani and between the mountain ranges, we reached the small village called Chandragiri. Our house in Chandragiri was a small house adjoining another house. In the next house lived the Mahji uncle, his wife and Asha and Anu. I used to ask Mahji uncle wife for dried mango pickles always. She was a woonderful person. After them, Kuni, Swini and Bapu came and lived there. Behind our house there was a beautiful view of the hills surrounding us. Chadragiri was a hill station.



My dad worked in a bank there. My father, being the manager of the only bank in that village made our family kind of a celebrity. As far as i remember, I dont thing we ever had any trouble in communicating with the other. My dad used to say that we knew quiet a bit of oriya aswell. But we mostly communicated in hindi and english. There were a lot of kids around the neighbourhood. Asha, Anu, Happy, Bunty, Mani Bhushan, Shweta, Bunty, Swini, Kuni, Bapu are some of the names that i remember. And it was nice to see then after 10 long years via Orkut. Every evening my brother and i used to take our bikes and roam around. My brother, Rohan, used to play cricket with the boys. I dont remember what I used to do. But it was always fun.



We joined in the Central school for Tibetans. Majority of the population in that village were Tibetans who fled from Tibet. So naturally our school had many Tibetan kids and about 11 Indian kids. Since there were very no Indians in my grade, it was decided that I skip a grade and join with Rohan, whose class had all the Indian. The school had a picturesque background. It was located on a hill top. There were corn fields behind our school. But Rohan and I felt like complete strangers. Asha and Anu went to school with us. It was a fun experience. One of my dad's co workers used to pick us all up by a bicycle. The rides were very thrilling, where we went up and down small hills surronded by dense forest.


Asha was elder to us. She was a good story teller. Our school is located nearly 5 to 6 Km from our house. On the way there are many huge banyan trees. Asha used to tell us that ghosts resided those tree. So whenever we pass them we have to cover our mouth to prevent them from entering our body. And gullible children we were, we blindly believed her. I remember once that when i fought with Asha, I refused to listen to her. So when the banyan tree neared I didnt cover my mouth until the last moment, when fear grasped me. LOL. She used to tell us that a crazy woman called Rangopathy lived near our school. She was an evil woman. And she showed us a woman who lived in a tattered hut made up of blankets. Once that woman even followed us to school. Frankly, we were scared to death trying to avoid her. But she was always there roght in front of us whenever we took a detour!! That was kind of scary.

Another story of Asha was about family next door to our house. They were kind of creepy. Asha used to say they did black magic. So we never spoke to them or acknowleged them. Once my dad and Mahji uncle was invited to attend their childs marriage. I remember Asha, rohan , Anu(her little sister) and me looking out the windown secretly, hoping that they dont poison our fathers.LoL.


Our school life was completely separate from the life in our home. Firstly our school friends were different from the friends at home. They were children of teachers. Kutchu, Vicky, Babu were closest to us. We spoke to them in English mainly. Vicky was the naughty kid, Kutchu the "I'm so great" kid and Babu the quiet one. We were always a single pack, though we had our occasional fights. But it was always fun.

I remember once when Rohan and I were in the staff room getting out notebooks corrected, I heard this sound, like someone was rolling a metal container on the floor. The next thing I knew was the sir's were all yelling "earth quake!!!!! earth quake". And I was lying on the parched grass face down. There was a slight tremor on the earth beneath me. And I bent my heard towards Asha asking what was going on. She just told me to lie down. But i wasnt scared, i was more curious to know what was going on? Why the whole school children were on the floor? It was later only that I knew the depth of what was going on. I saw the cracked walls and floors of our auditorium and I was scared then.

Living in Orissa, we faced a lot of natural calamities. There was a huge cyclone once. But we were in our homes that time. Being ingnorant little children, we just enjoyed the powerful winds blowing and the rain pouring down. What the heck, it got us away from school!!! But then we heard a creaking noise followed by a huge THUD! The next thing you know, the 20 foot high teak tree next to our house was down, just narrowly missing us. It was really our luck. The next day after the cyclone we went out to see what it had done to our village. The forest was almost completely washed out. Many roofs of thatched houses were blown off. But luckily no life was taken.

After school, we came back home and took our bicycles to play with the nieghbourhood kids. My bicycle was handed down to me after Rohan used it. Unlike in our school, we spoke with them in broken Hindi, but we got better later on. Among them Happy was my brothers best friend. Happy was the dare devil of our group. He was so funny. There used to be a milkman names Gouda, who used to tease all the kids. Once when he came to deliver milk, Happy and us decided to deflate his tyre. And we did just that and ran away. LOL. Another time, a snake lying curled in our verandah. Sankes were common in our areas since it lies near the forest. Cobras, crates, vipers, green tree snake etc were some that I have seen there. I dont know whta snake it was that day, lying curled on the ground. But we called our neighbours and they killed it and threw it in the vast empty plot in front of our house. When we told this to Happy, he said that we will go in search of the snake's carcass. And we were all chicken. Happy went alone and he bought back the body of the snake dangling for a stick and chased us with it. We all ran for our lives. Hehehe. It was really funny.

Holi was always the best time of the year. All the children of the nieghbourhood gather round and have a great time throwing coloures water and powder at each other. It was customary for everyone in the village to join in. If someone is reluctant, the people bang the doors of the house till that person comes out, so that they can attack him/her with colours. I remember it was a tedious task to clear our hands and faces afterwards. Diwali was only second best because not many people came around our house during that time. But it was always fun.

Tuna uncle was my dad's co worker in the bank. He was a nice, honest man. he was a local of the same palce, so he knew the place inside out. He used to take us on little trips inside the forest. On one such trip he came back quickly from the forest because he heard the roaring of a bear. I dont know how much it was true, but it was best not to question them, because they know the land better than us. It was not unusual to see wild animals on the road. Foxes, elephant, hyena etc are seen almost regularly at night.

If I want to write about Chadragiri, I could write a whole book. I think we did great justice to our childhood there. We had tonnes of fun, no studying yet full mark ;), and great friends. What more could a kid ask for huh?? Well i just brushed through my memories. yet so many memoreis remain untold. Someday, when I am in the mood to write, I will write down more. But till then good day to u!

License..UH OH!!!!

I got my learners license yesterday. Yipeee!!! And I am far away from getting a drivers license. Like the day before yesterday, I almost hit a chicken!!! I am sure after i am done with driving probably the insurance company, the animal safety unit, the police and a whole lot of people would be after me. Lol. When i went to get my learners yesterday there was a little problem. The address given in my ration card had the house name wrong. They had it "Geethabavan" instead of "Geethvan". And in my license papers i had written Geethavan. So when i went there the police officer said you cannot change the name. He asked me to see another officer inside. I went in. You know the room was AC. And the guy inside it was on the phone. He seemed to me like a big meany. While he was on the phone, i saw the rosary ring on his fingers and i thought hmm, since i had one too in my finger...maybe he would be nice to me. Well whatever it was he wasnt very nice to me. Nor was he very helpful. So after a while he kinda asked me to get out. And i lost all my hope of ever getting a learners. So in the middle of a strange and dusty office, infront of people i didnt even know, i lost it all and i cried. LOL. But in my defense, I didnt even know what to do. Besides its not like everyone saw me. I was decent enough to go to a corner and cry. Heheh. Alas! I changed my house name from Gethavan to Bavan!!! Hmmn. JEEEEEE if getting a learners was so bad for me...i wonder how i will managed to get the license without coming apart. I still ahvent understood fully what the function of a clutch is!!!! Hey But i just started OK!! I will eventually learn. Keeping my fingers crossed Hehehe. Well dont say i warned you..."people stay clear, an amature in on the road".

A dedication to my beloved College!

Yesterday i got my TC from college. Now its official. I have severed all ties from my college. I had grown so accustomed to getting on Jan Shadabdhi (train) and going away to Cochin for college. Now it seems that I will never be travelling that often anymore. When I walked in yesterday, it struck a familiar chord in me. I felt so nostalgic. When i was much younger, my mom used to tell me always "look, here is the college I studied in". It never struck me that important. But i failed to see that it meant something more to her. Now i understand. I have just begun to familiarise myself with all the nooks and crannies of my college and now i am being taken away from that familiar place. When I first joined, all i wanted to do was get out. But now that i am out, i just wanna get back in lol :). So here i will jot down things that i am going to miss about my college and also my hostel ( I will mostly refer the inanimate objects).


1. the Science block of my college. Even though it was just a 5 storeyed building in a confined space and you couldnt call it a college, it was B-E-A-UTIFUL!!!!!!


2. The zoology department on the second floor of the building. A darkly lit corridor, two huge labs, three classrooms, the creepy specimens room with all weird creature from every phyla you could imagine, and the even creepier staff room (lol)...i feel like describing a room in a horror movie or something, now all we need is Frankenstien monster...lol.


3. The "Botanical garden" of our college, more like a small plot of greenery. But still it was pretty.


4. Anugraha Chapel. Peaceful and quiet.


5. Our canteen, which only serves Ulli vada and pazham pori. Also they had some other stuff n best of all Sip up. The canteen was my investment during the first year. It would explain how, even though i was in the hostel, i gained weight :)

6. Blacky, our black cat that gets naughty around girls. Hehehe he is our favourite

7. The Gym Plaza ofcourse!!!!!! that big outdoor auditorium has held so many memories, from throw ball games, to bat minton, to running races and so many more.

8. The mess hall with its Oh So Boring dishes. But what can i say, i love it! The yellow curry, the weird avial, the soapy plates and glasses...lol those were so funny.

9. Sister Annies funny flower arrangements in the chapel. You know sometimes she just plucks some leaves out of the garden and calls is flower arrangement. Jesus Christ, it is so hilarious.

10. My hostel. So many many memories have been made there in the 3 years that i was there.

11. The main block, the Elysium, the Library...which i have used 2 times :)

Well these are most of the things that come to my mind right now ( I just ate a big meal, so dont push it!!!). Well maybe years later, one day while passing by my college i will tell my children " look here kids, this is where your mommy studied" and they would be like "Oh mom, not again!". Hehehe.

Things i Love

I was goin through one of my friends blogs and i loved a blog she wrote about her favorite things. Hers is a well read blog while mine is more like my personal diary in a public place. Lol. She writes pretty well and creatively too. Her style of writitng too is laid back. Well i dont think that i am much of a writer but i love to pen down all my feelings. It kind of relaxes me. So after going through her blog i decided that i would like to do a blog on the things that make me happy. The things that when i see and feel take me to my special place. Well here goes



1. Nature- I love the colour green, the peace and quietness of a green place. The feeling of freshness when you are standing there. A calmness passes through you. It just feels as if you blend into nature. Just close you eyes and listen too a different sounds.

2. The smell of parched earth when rain falls on it for the first time. When the sand rises up, it gives me a nostalgic feeling.

3. My own pesonal space in the garden in my old house, Geethavan. It was amidst all the plants. It was just a rock behind the big Guava tree. But when you go and sit there, no one can see you. It was a good place for me to escape to when i need some alone time and some time to think.

4. When one of my old friends call me after so long and we talk like it were only yesterday when we last met.

5. Writing in my Journal (DD as i call him). It in a wonder how just one book could make me feel better in just a matter of minutes. Writing in it with all mixed emotions give me a great relief. Its as if i am taking the weight of the whole world off my shoulders.

6. Listening to Ronan Keating singing "nothing at all" from the movie Notting hill. P.S watch the movie all u die hard romantics!

7. Buying book from the DC book stores and all the other book stores. I love to collect books. After buying a book it gives me a certain euphoria and i just feel good about it.

8. Reading books in one of my favorite things. I love books that touch my heart like A thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini and God of Small Things By Arundhati Roy.

9. Going shopping or even window shopping down the busy streets of Cochin.

10. Spending some quality time with my family and cousins. It so nice to have a get together once in a while. Its so nice to hear all of us gathered round a table and just cracking jokes about the old times and just being nostalgic.

11. The video of Rohan and I when we were in the 6th and 5th grade repectively. Rohan was so young and chubby. He sung the Titanic song with so much passion and emotions( almost like Celien dion sicne his voice was not yet cracked). It such a funny scene coz he also had soemthing to eat in his other hand. And i wasnt bad either. I was an attention seeker. The camera loved me...or rather i loved the camera. heheh

12. The times i had in the hostel. When we made scrambled eggs without the aid of a stove. Lol well we stole eggs from the hostel mess (it wasnt stealing coz we pratically paid for those eggs every month!!!). So correction. We took eggs from the mess. We "borrowed" a candle from the table beneath Mary's statue. And then matches 3 glasses and a plate and parachute oil and salt and chilly powder, we made wonderful scrambled eggs. Hehehe...have some imagination people.

13. The outing we had in the hostle, Feb 14th 2008, Ghajini movie, Cherain beach etc. All the functions we orgnaised together. All the funny moment we enjoyed together. Just thinking about it brings a sad smiel to my face.

14. Hydrebad trip with my collegemates. I got more close with them during that time.

15. Collection of seaweeds with Minu, Shayana, Shabitha and Shilpa. You guys i had the time of my life. It was so fun to take a dip in the remote area of Narakkal beach in the name of collecting seaweeds. Afterwards we went into the house of a local and took a bath there. Its the kind of things you too in Lonely planet lol. It was truly adventurous!!!

16. Our 10ths standard Kodaikanal trip. Wow I truly enjoyed each and every moment of it.

17. The time i spent with my friend SJ after our 12th board exams. All the non sense talk we used to do during class hours. MBAU!!! ehheh phone call studies the day before biology exams. Complaining about you know who. ehhehe

18. The talks that i have with my bro Rohan.

19. Being in LOVE. Knowing that someone means the wolrd to you and you mean the world to someone is a feeling worth fighting for.

20. Looking at our house which is under construction and looking at my room. Makes think about how hard my dad has worked to make his dream come true.

21. The time i won the Best outgoing Student from the hostel. It was a great moment for me. thanks to my dearest Junior Neetha Kutty. I enjoyed each and every moment of it.

22. My college farewell. It was then that i realised what i would be missing.

23. Star gazing during the night. We get a wonderful view from our balcony. Its very amazing to watch lightening from there too.

24. My Ammachi. I just love her soo much. and i love all the things she does for me.

25. Painting!!!!

26. Driving. Even though i have jsut started to learn, i love the feeling of being behind the wheel!

27. Walking through a deserted beach. Feeling the sand and water beneath my feet.

28. Travelling to new places. Discovering new cultures and traditions. The whole experience just makes adrenaline rush through my veins.

29. Pulling others legs :) especially my dad's.

30. My moms and Ammachi's cooking.

31. My teddy bears, Ponies and Barbie dolls. Reminds me of a simpler time :)

32. Tonnes and tonnes of photos of my childhood.

33. The time we had in Orissa.

34. Dancing to the beats of any song.

35. Tears in the eyes of my Ammachi, when i leave. I just love her a lot.

36. Sani and Saranya.

37. The silence of a Church. The conversations i ahve with God. My beliefs.

38. Day dreaming. heheh

39. A smile from someone you care.

40. Dogs...i love em. I just dont have any :( But if i did, their names would be Simba and Simonne

41. Getting compliments. Now who doesnt like that.

42. Seeing the one ring on my finger.

43. Seeing my parents laugh.

44. Playing on the swing. I will always love that.

45. Seeing flowers :)

46. Being around the children of Shishu bhavan. Bhanupriya, i miss you.

47. The smell of roses when you wake up.

48. Seeing the Birthday card that my Ammama gave me in 2009, the last birthday card ever.

49. Remembering that beautiful Sunset on a cold January, in Cherai beach, with a pod of dolphins jumping from the blue sea, and spending it with the best person ever!!

50. Being sung a song to and making you feel that you are the best thing ever :)

51. My best friend Divy...how she always looks after me :)...and how she never gives up on me.

52. My best friend Anoja, who constantly makes me laugh...whom I have so much in common...we basically are travellers in the same boat!!! :P

These are just some of the moments and things that make me happy and brings a smile to my face. Well that is about all. TC guys.

This ever changing world of mine!!

Growing up everything came easy to me. Well i certainly do think so. But i am not that spoilt rich girl who blows up all her daddy's money. I was and still am my daddy little girl. So when i wanted something really bad i pushed n pushed my parents till i got it...well atleast if they thought it was necessary they bought it for me. But i am not that much of a spoilt brat. I am adamant and stubborn and i believe in my own views. Sometimes I find it hard to compromise with others who dont share the same point of view as i do. Well it came as a huge down fall to me. I lost some good friends because of that. Its coz i believe in honesty...and i think that is one of the important virtues for me. If someone breeches my trust ...someone whom i loved and cared for so dearly...i cant still like that person the same way and not think about what happened. Well its not in me to forget...but i do forgive.

So now i am at my best age...atleast that is what i think. And i feel bad that i didnt do my age any justice. I couldnt enjoy the way i wanted to. I missed out on all that these three years in college. Dont get me wrong, but college was awesome and it changed me a lot, am sure about that. But there were so many things i wanted to do and that i couldnt coz i was either chicken or lazy or the opportunity just never came by me. And in the end of the whole 3 years, what friends i made ceased to be what they were to me any longer. It pains me immensely. Hmmm now is there any going back??? i donno. let us wait and watch what happens.

Now am getting older. And i guess i must behave maturely aswell. In 2 or 3 years will be going away from my parents and i have yet to learn a lot about being responsible. My parents would no longer be by my side to satisfy all my whims and fancies. I need to learn to consider about others and their needs without completely giving up on my freedom and my happiness. It is not a compromise i would be making but a necessity from my part. Well to be frank i am a bit scared about what is going to happen in the future. Alas it all written in the pages of a book called my life. And the editor is God alone. So let us see how that book turns out eh?? So far not soo bad eh?? heheh well these were some thoughts that were disturbing me for the past few weeks and i didn't know how to put in into words. well donno if i expressed myself fully but guess this would satisfy me. heheh

The reunion..oops!

One fine day after all my exams were over i received a call from Aswathi ( my old schoolmate...we all used to be in a gang when we were in the 10th). well when i saw her call on my phone i was, frankly speaking, scared. no, not because i have this inferiority complex, but because i thought something might have happened to someone i know ( coz u know she call me like ...hmmnn lets say...NEVER!!!). well i am glad to tell you that nothing like that happened. infact she was calling all the old friends to come to her sisters wedding. i was quiet reluctant coz u know i am never good at meeting the old friends. i just dont fit in u know...i never used to fit it. but hesitantly i agreed coz anitha pushed me. so we both decided to go together to Tvm. n our epic journey began...lol too much melodrama i agree. so we arrived in Tvm...she stayed in my house. next day got ready to go to the wedding. U know i must have told Anu a millions times that "oh god how awkward". heheh and she was also kinda hesitant to go..coz u know its been 3 or 4 years since both of us had any contact with these fellas. and u know the people who are coming there have contacted each other on a regular basis...n us...we haven't contacted anyone else but us!!! hmmm now that was a big problem. so we both decided that we will lie and tell them that we have got a train at 12. 30 PM and so we wont be staying that long!!! the plan seemed really good and believable. so what the heck we both agreed!!

when we reached there we were greeted by the very hyperactive (as usual) ruby. hmnn now if it were lemme say 5 years back we both would have been really good friends....but u know time flies by and before you know it we r not good frnds anymore!!! (sigh). even though she was cheerful n all i felt a cold vibe from her...or was it me...ohh...well all i am saying is that i didnt feel too good. and as time went by more people started arriving...aravind, surya (who gave me this. spine chilling look as if in the movie "i know what you did last summer"" ooo creepy...exaggerating again!!!!!!!!!). and then there dinesh rakesh gautham rahul....arrgh...blast from the past. You know i donno whats wrong with these guys but rakesh n dinesh kept sayin "oh look who this is...blah blah....she doesnt keep contact at all...yada yada yada...n again some more blahs....frankly i felt like kicking them in their shins.....as if i dditn keep contact...they were the one who didnt even try!!!!!!!! arrgh...hmnn n believe me it was toooooooo akward...and Anu felt the same way. we just wanted to get out. hheh and if u forgot...we were in a wedding..n we kinda didnt see any of it...coz it was too crowded inside.

so as cinderella's time was up even before she knew it...so was our. and mind u we didnt even eat the sadya...damn u!!!! and we had to keep up the lie we wove together so intricately...or else it would all be a big shame!!! so we got out at 12....heheh n our hungry stomachs wandered into an ice cream parlour and satisfied themselves. and then anu and i were off to our own homes.

that noon Tia mol gave me a call n said she was in the neighbourhood...n so i ran down (mind u i had my house dress on) to meet. her. while i was waiting for her to come...i became conscious of the glances that i was getting from the people in the road...but i decided to ignore it...but still it kept nagging me in the back...that is when tia mols car arrived. i was sooo glad...n i waited till her car turned the corner n kept waving until that. but u know far away (eyes of an eagle) i spotted a bike stopped n guy arching their heads back to look at me or something else i didnt know. i soon started walking inside...and then after about 7 steps...i heard s call "RESHMA". i turned back an guess who it was..rahul n gautham...oh yea they though i was gone on the 12. 30 train...and it was already 3. 30. oh crap. n then unwillingly i walked towards them...embarrased...n with a million thought circling my mind...oh crap oh crap oh crap...n then another bike came...n dinesh n his friends was in it...could this get any worse???? hmnn n then we talked for like what seemed like the longest 1 min of my life!!!!! and thankfully they didnt ask me anything about the train...even though i guess they figured out by now that i lied. but u know for what it was worth...i dont care what they feel...n they dont care what i feel...so there was noo harm done...just that i was proved a liar....n Anu got herself saved....heheh lol...but wht the heck...i guess it was a good laugh!!!!!!

These are my confessions!

Hmmm its been quiet long since i have blogged!! well actually its been quiet long since i have even entered orkut. one might say i am in some rural area where there is no computer at all. but its all wrong. i was in Cochin itself (yep tas right Mini B'lore) where i was too busy to even check my orkut account. hmmm the truth is that i actually lost interest.

well a lot of things have been happening lately. my classes are over...almost...i just have practicals to go and afteward i am done with college. I got a degree at hand right now hmm! well is that something to be proud of...heck ya!!!! but i dont feel like celebrating. i was the kind of person who kept on saying that i would not miss my college life at all! but it was during the end of third year ( after the excursion to be precise) that i truly started to appreciate the people in my class. they are so nice and friendly and so fun to be with. i regret not getting to know them beforehand. and now class is almost over...and i wont ever be seeing them agian, will i? it just is too unfair...but i guess that is the magic of relationships. it is always at its best at the begining and gradually the magic of the relationship wears off....until if both sides works so much to keep it together. is that what happened with my hostel friends??? i always said that i wouldnt miss my college at all and that i would only miss my hostel. but frankly speaking...at the time of the farewell i cried so much for leaving my collegemates...and how much ever hard i tried i couldnt cry when my friends vacated the hostel....and no one cried when i left the hostel...i left so quietly and swiftly...no one ever knew....not even a soul. and i guess i wanted to go unnoticed aswell. i didnt know how to react if they all cried (which never happened). But how to you keep a relatyionship...any relationship, be it a friend or a lover, a perfect one??? withoput jealousy and possessiveness and with a whole lot of trust...i think there might be a good enough chance of the relationship to become a nearly perfect one. by the end of the year things started going haywire in the hostel. i mean i am the one to be blamed i know!!! one of my roomates ( the one who was a good friend of mine before) and i became very very distant. it was as if a cold war was taking place. we both were very uncomfortable with each other. i really donno what wen wrong where...and i am chicken to ask her the same. i guess we slowly couldnt stand each others behaviours. and to make matters worse jealousy and possessiveness played a very important part in all this. my other roomates is best friends with both of us. so generally i felt a pang of jealousy when she spent more time with her. well i really donno why i worried so much then. i kind of realised that my best friend didnt care that much about me as i did. it always happens to me. also one of my other best friends, i learnt, lied to me in a very serious matter. she and i were so close with each other. she knew a lot about me and vioce versa. and i never imagined she would lie to me. maybe its because of her own insecurities or something, but it hurt me so much to know about that. and slowly i started retreating from everyone and even from the one who loved me. i made it hard for them to stand me. i guess i was, still am building walls around me to keep everyone away from me. well i wish i could change all this. i want my roomate (the one i am having a cold war with) to know that i am really terribly sorry for whatever that i have done to hurt her. yea u must be wondering how i know that i am the one who caused her all the misery. i knew from a source (that i am not proud to brag about) that she has been having problems with me. i think sometimes that i should just sms her and be out with it...but as i said before i am too chicken. and my other roomate...well i wish i would stop being to possessive about you. but u know it because i really care about you. i hurt to know that you have changed a lot with you attitude towards me. someone has come to replace me. but you know i still love you and i will always be your good friend. and my second best friend, i dont hold any grudes against you. circumstances may have made you tell that lie to me. but believe me everyone makes a mistake and no one is perfect. i see past that part of you, the way you do with me, and i accept thar part of you. i like you very much. and i wish you wouldnt be distant with me for all those reasons. u still are the one whom i trust. and one of my other close friends ( i know its very hard to understand which friend is which, but i am purposefully refraining from saying their names. they know who they are and thats all that matters), i am always praying for you. i know everything is going to be alright. you will fair well where ever you are dear. dont be scared. face all the problems in life with a smile in your face. god bless you dear. and the rest of the people in my gang. i know i ahvent been thta close with you. i know u ahve got some other image of me in my mind, but given the chance i would have liked to start over with us. i know i didnt cry openly, but frankly i am cryin silently. i hope all of you reach your destinies and god will always be there to guide you. take care my friends. you all are dearly missed.