Garden glories ;)

I love the colour contrast in the above and below picture...juts beatiful!

Oh this beauty would not spread its wings for me to take a picture. This is the best picture I could get of it. Its wings were a gorgeous yellow and black strips.
Out of my persistence, my dad put up a water lily pond for me. Something about water lily reminds me of my childhood and the song my dad used to make me sing (alli ambal...). This is the very first bloom.
After a heavy rain this unfortunate beetle got drenched and found its resting place in my rose bush. But look at its iridescent colour! Truly mother nature is wonderful.
This one was a bit difficult to take a picture of. It kept flying away when I approached. But finally got a click ;).
This is one of my favorites..simply because the colour of the butterfly perfectly goes with the white daisy flowers.

Sunlight between the palm leaves..pretty!
The pebbled pathway of our garden.

Red rose...my favorite...it is at its initial stages of blooming :)

Choices

Recently, I just remembered a beautiful story that I heard in a sermon in church one Sunday. It was about two boys whose father was a drunkard. Every night their father would come all drunk and mercilessly hit their mother while they bore witness to all these. The father spent every last penny of savings they had to buy alcohol. The family was going through a rough time. When the boys grew up, they got jobs. The elder one, like his father was a heavy drinker. But the younger one was a teetotaler. The priest who was actually telling this story, once visited their house for religious purposes. The elder one, intoxicated by alcohol, was present and so was the younger one. The father asked to them, why they had two different attitude towards alcohol. The young one promptly replied, my father was a drunkard and used to beat my mother in front of us. I learnt from him and swore to not be like him. While the Elder one said, my father was a drunkard and seeing him beat my mother like that made me so upset that I turned to alcohol for comfort. With God's grace, at least one child came out right.

This story exemplifies how we choose our own path - either we can choose good or we can choose bad. You can never move forward, if you blame other or the curbing environment where we live in. We make our own choices. We can can learn from the mistake of others and avoid the same. But most times, we just forget all that and blame the world for our misfortunes, when we clearly welcomed it with open arms. What I am trying to tell is this - we always have a choice - and it is out decision to choose the correct path. :)

Anyway, this story was running through my head and made me Philosophize :). Hope anyone finds it useful...including me :)

Baking fiesta :)

Lately I have been having an urge to become a good cook :). So I have been experimenting in the kitchen a lot. Today I tried my hand in baking. I was inspired by this amazing chef, Rachel Allen that I saw in the Travel and Living channel. I jotted down some of her recipes in my "recipe book" and made a list of all the ingredients I needed to buy. I was going to make chocolate cake with chocolate icing :). Baking is quiet simple. You just have to weigh out the correct amount of flour, sugar, butter and eggs, beat them in a bowl and set it in an oven and let it do its magic. The part which excites me most is to see the cake rise up and the aroma of it wafting through the air.

The cake was yummy and delicious. Am happy with myself and my first attempt at baking. Cannot wait to try out more recipes :)

Tales of Ear piercing :)

Last weekend, I got my ear pierced and so now, I have a second stud in my ears :). It was not a spontaneous and impulsive decision. I had been contemplating about it for over a month. What was difficult for me was to convince my parents to let me pierce it. It was a meticulously planned process wherein I bought my self a magnetic second stud, wore it for a couple of days and got people actually complimenting me on how it looked good and finally made my parents agree that it looked good. Then I had my cousin sister, who had formerly pierced her ears, talk to my mom about it for me. And finally, I got the green signal from my parents!!! Yey!!!

Then I myself fixed a date and went to Bhima jewelry, with my mom, to get a thattan to pierce my ears for me. I was shockingly brave up to the point where I was sitting on a chair ready to get my ear pierced. The trigger for my nervousness and tension was when I saw the thattan heat the small needle in flame and it become a red hot metal. He marked my ears and then sprayed volini to numb my ear lobes. I was tapping my feet nervously on the ground and looking at my mom sideways for encouragement. When he approached me with the needle and the earring I suddenly folded my hands and pleaded to him "Aiyo venda please venda!!" meaning oh please don't! LOL, everyone sitting in the room started to laugh at me. I was flushed and embarrassed and then summing up all my courage, sat through the whole painful process of getting my ears pierced. I swear I could hear my ear lobes cursing me.

After that, my mom was telling me about how I kept complaining that a guy ran a needle through my ears, for the first time, when I was a little girl. She said nothing has changed much since then!! LOL. But in my defense, I'm really scared of needles!!!! Now it is over a week and I can truly say, it was all worth it :).

Tricks to prevent the idle mind

There is a point in everyone's life, when one has nothing to do but have a lot of time for oneself. Some find it post retirement, some while stuck between jobs, some while wasting away an year preparing for some test and some like me clueless about what career path to take next. After my under graduate studies, I thought I would take a break and prepare for MBA or something of that sort. That is when CUSAT happened and I wasn't idle for long. But now that I finished my graduate studies, I am at a place in my life where I am forced to choose between two contrasting paths - career (PhD) or marriage (IAS- Indian Adukala Service). Naturally my parents want to see me settled and the thought that if and when I get a Phd, it would take 5 year tops for completing it, scares them. But I don't want to get settled now, not for at least 2 years. I want some "ME" time, where I can concentrate on my future and what is best for me. I am not being selfish, not at all. I would like to think that I am the generation that represents broad mindedness. And I am one of "THOSE" women who think that Phd after marriage will be hell.

Hmmm so this is where my idle mind come to play. You know what they say about the "idle mind being a devil's workshop". That is nothing short of the truth. When I have nothing to do, my mind cooks up things and keep pondering about the past, thinking "what if" and all. It makes me over emotional and sensitive and paranoid. I become needy and dependent. Now, that is not something that I am proud of but that is the fact.

So I try to keep myself occupied with something to prevent my mind from doing re-runs of my past or making me anxious about my future. Some of the things that I found helpful were :

• Watch your favorite movie and serial alone or with you family. I normally watch old Malayalam movie with my parents and i have my healthy dose of laughter daily. I watch my favorite episodes of How I met your mother in my laptop.
• Experiment on cooking. I love to try new recipes that I get off the internet. It is a fun way to keep your mind occupied.
• Do a bit of gardening. I love gardening with my parents. We have a small area where we have planted some vegetable like lady finger, tomatoes, egg plant and chilly. It the best feeling when you reap your harvest.
• Have some quality time with your family and friends. Call and meet up your friends. Talking about the old times is fun.
• Find time for your favorite hobby. I love to paint. I try and do some creative works once in a while. Even though I am not a good artist, I enjoy spending time for it.
• Go for some classes like coaching classes or craft class or even driving lessons. I joined a coaching class for GRE. Met a lot of new people there and I look forward to those classes.
• Get a pet. That is guaranteed to keep your mind occupied. I love to own a pet dog but sadly none of my family members approve of it. The best they could get me were fishes!! But still, I love watching them move around the fish tank like a blur of colours in water.

Now everyone has different ways of keeping their minds occupied. These have helped me out. Always keep this in mind, don't ever let your mind become idle!!

My grandmother

On February 10th 2011, my paternal grandmother died due to month long illness. I had gone to visit her two week before her death from Lucknow. She was very weak and frail. a complete opposite of what she used to be. A strong, empowering, independent woman she was when she was young. But when I saw her in the hospital bed, lying with the catheter and ventilator in her mouth, I just fell apart. I tried my best not to cry in front of her and bravely put up a smiling face. She lifted up her fragile hands and caught mine and asked if I was studying well. I replied with a happy smile saying yes, I am.

All of my Ammama's sons and daughter had come to see her during that time knowing her condition was critical. We were there for a span of one week. I couldn't extend it any longer as my project was going on.

As she saw everyone, Ammama was getting a little better everyday. My days revolved around her, taking shift at staying at the hospital, buying anything that was needed, looking after everything back home when I was not in the hospital, Buying roses for Ammama as she loved them etc. She always asked where I was when I was not at the hospital. Seeing everyone, she wanted to go back home desperately. Every time the doctor came she asked him, if she could go home. Seeing it was her only wish and she was getting a bit better than before, the doctors agreed to let her go home, but there was a need for a home nurse and 24 hrs ventilator. As long as she was home she didn't care about the rest of the things.

It was the day that she was brought back home that we had to go to Kochi for our flight back to Lucknow the next day. As I was anticipating her arrival, I put up a new bunch of red roses in her room to cheer her up. As the ambulance pulled over the driveway of the house, I was happy to see her, yet regretting the thought of having to say goodbye to her the moment she arrived home. When she was finally brought to her room, we all did our best to make her feel comfortable. I pulled up a chair and sat next to her and showed her the roses and talked to her. She smelled the roses and was happy.

Then it was time for the inevitable task of saying goodbye to her. My amma broke it to her gently. All she said was, now who is going to take care of me? I fell apart and started crying, But before I faced her, I wiped away my tears. Though my watery eyes betrayed me and I started crying again. I saw a single drop of tear come out from her eyes, I wiped it off. She was much more brave than I was. I gave her a kiss on her forehead and she held my hand and gave me a gently but firm squeeze to my hand. Everything was conveyed in that gesture. How much she loved and cared for me. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing ever.

After coming back to Lucknow, my parents constantly inquired with my aunts about Ammama's health. It was getting better. But suddenly, two weeks later, she had a peaceful death in her sleep. It was too soon....I never thought her time was this close. I thought she had a lot more life to live in her. But this is how it is...People who come to this earth will have to go back someday. The cycle of life....

I would always regret not giving her as much time as I would have loved to. I would regret not being there for her when she needed me. I would regret making her upset at some point in my life. I would just regret not loving her too much.... But I know her and she has forgiven me for all that long back.

I look back and remember how she used to feed me with her hands when i was young. I would only eat from her hand, listening to the same old story about the cock and the monkey. She would make small rice balls and put it into my mouth. I remember how when I came on rare weekend from college to TVM, she would give me her warm hug and would have made the maid prepare all of my favorite dishes. I miss her terribly...

She was the thread holding all the family together...now that the thread is gone...the family is also torn apart....

Recently when I opened up my old dairy, I found a birthday card that I got from her in 2009. That was the last card she sent me. In that she had written, how much she loved me and cared for me and wanted me to study well. It was as if a message for me from her..as if she was trying to tell me everything was going to be OK. I was suddenly filled with emotions.

I am just happy that I saw her before she died. I pray for her everyday. I know she is looking after us from beyond. Always show the love you have for your loved ones...never refrain from it, so that you will never regret anything when they are gone.

Tales of this city

It has been over 3 months since I came to Lucknow for my project. It has not been the best of three months for me. I had to face a lot of hardships since December. So far 2011 is not turning out to be my best year. But optimistic as I always try to be, I know that things will get better. Everybody has their ups and downs...right now I am on my downs!!

Now back to this city!!! As always, when a North Indian sees a South Indian, they have this contemptuous smile on their face, which I so wanna wipe off. I am not being an anti North Indian or anything, but neither am I a big fan of them!!! Ah well, you get used to that contempt in a little while. The one plus point of me coming to U.P is that I actually learnt a lot of Hindi and people here find my Hindi bearable!!! Yey!! :)

Working as a project trainee in CDRI has been an experience, both good and bad. I find my instructor extremely bossy at times which makes me cry, literally!!!!! One thing I hate is being pushed over. Tell me something nicely and friendly, i would be happy to do it for you!! But again, you get used to it. Seniors boss around their juniors, that has been the pattern everywhere!!!

I am the quiet one in my lab. There is this communication gap for me. Even though I speak Hindi alright, I find it hard to understand the others speak. They speak so fast and their slang is different, that halfway through I loose track of what they say. So I normally don't have anything to contribute to the lively debate/conversation. *sigh*.

You know, when you are a South Indian amidst the Northies, you stand out. I have had a lot of people come up to me and ask me if I was a malayalee/bengali. Apparently Bengalis have similar features as us. But because of this, I also have had a couple of Malayalees come up to me and talk with me. When that happens, I get so excited and jabber on loud in Malayalam!!! Oh what a relief from all the non stop HINDI!!! :P

Lucknow is becoming the crime capitol of the nation. It is not very safe place at all. Take the newspaper and all you see are stories about murder and rape, like the London in the 1800s! People have no value of each others lives here! And what more you get local guns here in Lucknow that don't need any license. I read some really silly reasons over killing people, like a girl shot because she said no to a guy who was trying to woo her, or like 10th standard boys fighting over a cricket match, fight got out of control, boy ends up dead!!! Jesus Christ. These are just the tip of the ice berg. The roots lie within the corrupt government. That is a topic i would rather not touch!

And the road in Lucknow are beautifully tarred ones without a single pot hole like we find at MG road, Kochi! But what is the use, the people that drive car here follow no rules!!! I'd rather prefer the road of kochi to this horrible place. I have been almost hit several times. Now back at home, I would scream at that guy. But frankly, here, even I am scared that I might get shot at!!!! But luckily I am staying with my parents. What more could I ask for?

Now just barely one more month and I will be back home. You know, one truly appreciates the place where one comes from only when you are far away from that.

I miss Kochi, I miss being silly around my friends, being myself, I miss the vada, the ghee roast, most of all, I miss the people that I love the most!!! Going back home and seeing all of those particular people, would make the four months that I spent here worthwhile. So here is to getting back home...CHEERS!!!! :)