The reunion..oops!

One fine day after all my exams were over i received a call from Aswathi ( my old schoolmate...we all used to be in a gang when we were in the 10th). well when i saw her call on my phone i was, frankly speaking, scared. no, not because i have this inferiority complex, but because i thought something might have happened to someone i know ( coz u know she call me like ...hmmnn lets say...NEVER!!!). well i am glad to tell you that nothing like that happened. infact she was calling all the old friends to come to her sisters wedding. i was quiet reluctant coz u know i am never good at meeting the old friends. i just dont fit in u know...i never used to fit it. but hesitantly i agreed coz anitha pushed me. so we both decided to go together to Tvm. n our epic journey began...lol too much melodrama i agree. so we arrived in Tvm...she stayed in my house. next day got ready to go to the wedding. U know i must have told Anu a millions times that "oh god how awkward". heheh and she was also kinda hesitant to go..coz u know its been 3 or 4 years since both of us had any contact with these fellas. and u know the people who are coming there have contacted each other on a regular basis...n us...we haven't contacted anyone else but us!!! hmmm now that was a big problem. so we both decided that we will lie and tell them that we have got a train at 12. 30 PM and so we wont be staying that long!!! the plan seemed really good and believable. so what the heck we both agreed!!

when we reached there we were greeted by the very hyperactive (as usual) ruby. hmnn now if it were lemme say 5 years back we both would have been really good friends....but u know time flies by and before you know it we r not good frnds anymore!!! (sigh). even though she was cheerful n all i felt a cold vibe from her...or was it me...ohh...well all i am saying is that i didnt feel too good. and as time went by more people started arriving...aravind, surya (who gave me this. spine chilling look as if in the movie "i know what you did last summer"" ooo creepy...exaggerating again!!!!!!!!!). and then there dinesh rakesh gautham rahul....arrgh...blast from the past. You know i donno whats wrong with these guys but rakesh n dinesh kept sayin "oh look who this is...blah blah....she doesnt keep contact at all...yada yada yada...n again some more blahs....frankly i felt like kicking them in their shins.....as if i dditn keep contact...they were the one who didnt even try!!!!!!!! arrgh...hmnn n believe me it was toooooooo akward...and Anu felt the same way. we just wanted to get out. hheh and if u forgot...we were in a wedding..n we kinda didnt see any of it...coz it was too crowded inside.

so as cinderella's time was up even before she knew it...so was our. and mind u we didnt even eat the sadya...damn u!!!! and we had to keep up the lie we wove together so intricately...or else it would all be a big shame!!! so we got out at 12....heheh n our hungry stomachs wandered into an ice cream parlour and satisfied themselves. and then anu and i were off to our own homes.

that noon Tia mol gave me a call n said she was in the neighbourhood...n so i ran down (mind u i had my house dress on) to meet. her. while i was waiting for her to come...i became conscious of the glances that i was getting from the people in the road...but i decided to ignore it...but still it kept nagging me in the back...that is when tia mols car arrived. i was sooo glad...n i waited till her car turned the corner n kept waving until that. but u know far away (eyes of an eagle) i spotted a bike stopped n guy arching their heads back to look at me or something else i didnt know. i soon started walking inside...and then after about 7 steps...i heard s call "RESHMA". i turned back an guess who it was..rahul n gautham...oh yea they though i was gone on the 12. 30 train...and it was already 3. 30. oh crap. n then unwillingly i walked towards them...embarrased...n with a million thought circling my mind...oh crap oh crap oh crap...n then another bike came...n dinesh n his friends was in it...could this get any worse???? hmnn n then we talked for like what seemed like the longest 1 min of my life!!!!! and thankfully they didnt ask me anything about the train...even though i guess they figured out by now that i lied. but u know for what it was worth...i dont care what they feel...n they dont care what i feel...so there was noo harm done...just that i was proved a liar....n Anu got herself saved....heheh lol...but wht the heck...i guess it was a good laugh!!!!!!

These are my confessions!

Hmmm its been quiet long since i have blogged!! well actually its been quiet long since i have even entered orkut. one might say i am in some rural area where there is no computer at all. but its all wrong. i was in Cochin itself (yep tas right Mini B'lore) where i was too busy to even check my orkut account. hmmm the truth is that i actually lost interest.

well a lot of things have been happening lately. my classes are over...almost...i just have practicals to go and afteward i am done with college. I got a degree at hand right now hmm! well is that something to be proud of...heck ya!!!! but i dont feel like celebrating. i was the kind of person who kept on saying that i would not miss my college life at all! but it was during the end of third year ( after the excursion to be precise) that i truly started to appreciate the people in my class. they are so nice and friendly and so fun to be with. i regret not getting to know them beforehand. and now class is almost over...and i wont ever be seeing them agian, will i? it just is too unfair...but i guess that is the magic of relationships. it is always at its best at the begining and gradually the magic of the relationship wears off....until if both sides works so much to keep it together. is that what happened with my hostel friends??? i always said that i wouldnt miss my college at all and that i would only miss my hostel. but frankly speaking...at the time of the farewell i cried so much for leaving my collegemates...and how much ever hard i tried i couldnt cry when my friends vacated the hostel....and no one cried when i left the hostel...i left so quietly and swiftly...no one ever knew....not even a soul. and i guess i wanted to go unnoticed aswell. i didnt know how to react if they all cried (which never happened). But how to you keep a relatyionship...any relationship, be it a friend or a lover, a perfect one??? withoput jealousy and possessiveness and with a whole lot of trust...i think there might be a good enough chance of the relationship to become a nearly perfect one. by the end of the year things started going haywire in the hostel. i mean i am the one to be blamed i know!!! one of my roomates ( the one who was a good friend of mine before) and i became very very distant. it was as if a cold war was taking place. we both were very uncomfortable with each other. i really donno what wen wrong where...and i am chicken to ask her the same. i guess we slowly couldnt stand each others behaviours. and to make matters worse jealousy and possessiveness played a very important part in all this. my other roomates is best friends with both of us. so generally i felt a pang of jealousy when she spent more time with her. well i really donno why i worried so much then. i kind of realised that my best friend didnt care that much about me as i did. it always happens to me. also one of my other best friends, i learnt, lied to me in a very serious matter. she and i were so close with each other. she knew a lot about me and vioce versa. and i never imagined she would lie to me. maybe its because of her own insecurities or something, but it hurt me so much to know about that. and slowly i started retreating from everyone and even from the one who loved me. i made it hard for them to stand me. i guess i was, still am building walls around me to keep everyone away from me. well i wish i could change all this. i want my roomate (the one i am having a cold war with) to know that i am really terribly sorry for whatever that i have done to hurt her. yea u must be wondering how i know that i am the one who caused her all the misery. i knew from a source (that i am not proud to brag about) that she has been having problems with me. i think sometimes that i should just sms her and be out with it...but as i said before i am too chicken. and my other roomate...well i wish i would stop being to possessive about you. but u know it because i really care about you. i hurt to know that you have changed a lot with you attitude towards me. someone has come to replace me. but you know i still love you and i will always be your good friend. and my second best friend, i dont hold any grudes against you. circumstances may have made you tell that lie to me. but believe me everyone makes a mistake and no one is perfect. i see past that part of you, the way you do with me, and i accept thar part of you. i like you very much. and i wish you wouldnt be distant with me for all those reasons. u still are the one whom i trust. and one of my other close friends ( i know its very hard to understand which friend is which, but i am purposefully refraining from saying their names. they know who they are and thats all that matters), i am always praying for you. i know everything is going to be alright. you will fair well where ever you are dear. dont be scared. face all the problems in life with a smile in your face. god bless you dear. and the rest of the people in my gang. i know i ahvent been thta close with you. i know u ahve got some other image of me in my mind, but given the chance i would have liked to start over with us. i know i didnt cry openly, but frankly i am cryin silently. i hope all of you reach your destinies and god will always be there to guide you. take care my friends. you all are dearly missed.